Caregivers’ chat

karadekoolaid said:
sounds like dementia is setting in, I'm afraid. Be strong, because it drains you emotionally.
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It certainly does sound like dementia and as if she shouldn't be left living alone. I'm constantly here for Steve (my partner who has dementia) so at least he isn't in danger of wandering off and getting lost. He loves to walk (as many people with dementia do) but its always accompanied these days.
 
TastyReuben said:
Sometimes, when things happen, they happen quickly.

Just found out the police picked up my mom this morning. She was found wandering about four blocks from her home, and when they nabbed her, she said she was out walking around, looking for my dad, who was supposed to come home early from work and pick her up, and she was worried he couldn’t find her, because she’s been sitting in “a stranger’s house” all morning.

Of course, Dad has been retired for 25 years and is in a nursing home himself, and the house she’s been in is her own, where she’s lived for the last couple of years.

This is different than her usual delusions about circumstances. She’s always known what’s what, but she’s always twisted facts around to her own perception, if that makes any sense.

This, however, is the first time she’s not remembered something factual (my dad being retired and being in care). This is more like traditional dementia.

More to follow, I’m sure.
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Doesn't sound good. My besties late mum was in a secure apartment, but managed to escape only to be found bewildered. She had to be put in an even more secure place. She lasted another year. So sad for all involved. Thoughts are with you tasty.

Russ
 
Well, wonder of wonders…just as my brother was about to call the nursing home (meaning, he was literally finding their number on his phone), they rang him to tell him that an apartment had just opened and was his (our) mom still interested?

YES!

She’s actually there, just got admitted. They rushed everything when they found out what was going on. Can’t thank them enough for that.

I found out a little more information…she’d apparently been out walking around since 3:45AM, because one of the neighbors saw her just as she was leaving the house. I don’t know yet why that person didn’t think something was up, but they apparently didn’t.

Biggest immediate concern now is rehoming her dog.
 
TastyReuben said:
Well, wonder of wonders…just as my brother was about to call the nursing home (meaning, he was literally finding their number on his phone), they rang him to tell him that an apartment had just opened and was his (our) mom still interested?

YES!

She’s actually there, just got admitted. They rushed everything when they found out what was going on. Can’t thank them enough for that.

I found out a little more information…she’d apparently been out walking around since 3:45AM, because one of the neighbors saw her just as she was leaving the house. I don’t know yet why that person didn’t think something was up, but they apparently didn’t.

Biggest immediate concern now is rehoming her dog.
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I'm so glad things worked out, and that she didn't go out looking for your dad in the car.

Before we took the car away, there were two occasions where my dad went on a simple errand, and got lost for over an hour. Once, he ended up at I-10 West of Houston -- that's 50 miles from home -- before he realized where he was. Thing is, his car and iPhone have SatNav, but it never entered his mind to use them to find his way home. He just drove around looking for something familiar.

BTW, by nursing home, do you mean assisted living, or something more like a hospital room? Can she keep some of her furniture, even her bed? Can she do some decorating, like familiar pictures on the walls? I hope she can make it feel somewhat like "home."

Are you and Mrs. T thinking about taking in the dog?

CD
 
caseydog said:
BTW, by nursing home, do you mean assisted living, or something more like a hospital room? Can she keep some of her furniture, even her bed? Can she do some decorating, like familiar pictures on the walls? I hope she can make it feel somewhat like "home."
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I’m getting more information fast and furious - she’s actually in a room right now, not an apartment, and there will be some evaluation to see if she’d be ok in the apartment (more independence) or if she’d really be better in the more closely monitored room.

The rooms themselves are like slightly large hospital rooms, private (shared bathroom with one other room), and they’re allowed to decorate with their some of their own stuff.

For the rooms, they may require the hospital bed that’s included, I’m not sure yet. When my dad went in, he needed that, so that’s what he got, but they may let her bring her own bed, within reason.

My personal “not a doctor but I stayed at the Holiday Inn last night” opinion is that she needs the closer supervision she’d get in a room. She’ll bust out of the apartment in no time.

She’s two doors down from my dad, and apparently, he keeps wheeling himself down there to make sure she’s there, then he wheels himself back…then he wheels himself down there to check on her again, then wheels himself back, over and over.


caseydog said:
Are you and Mrs. T thinking about taking in the dog?
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MrsT and I already talked about that, knowing this was on the horizon, and decided that no, we won’t be taking the dog (who has two names, for whatever reason - Red and/or Gomer).
 
caseydog said:
They are about the same size as Teddy was. That's a nice size for a house dog.

CD
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I don’t think he’ll have a problem finding a new home. Between all my siblings, they know half the tri-state-area, and they’re all beating the bushes now looking for a new owner.
 
Here’s how my visit went today:

First off, the dog is fine. I don’t think he likes being on his own with just the TV for company, but he’s getting checked on three times a day. I took him for two 20-minute walks while I was there.

Went to the nursing home, and I was surprised to see Mom in Dad’s room, as the nurses contacted my brother last night to say they’d placed Dad off-limits because they walked in on her hitting him. But today, when I got there, she was in his room with a nurse present.

She left us alone and we talked for a bit. Dad was asleep the whole time, so I didn’t talk to him. Funny aside: he was dreaming, and he was twitching and running in his sleep, just like a dog. At one point, he shouted, “Haw! Haw! Get on! Get goin’!” and I knew he was dreaming about rounding up the cows for the night.

Anyway, Mom (like I’ve said before) just looked disgusted…with everything. She looked miserable and sad.

I talked to her and I asked how she was doing, and right out of the gate, she said, “I had two houses, and Lee sold them both!”

I reminded her that her previous house was sold, but she still has the condo, and she sharply said, “I don’t mean the condo! I mean my other two houses, and I’d go right from one to the other and back again, and Lee sold them both!” - Lee’s my brother and that’s a complete fabrication. She’s never had two houses, and their last house was sold with her complete knowledge and full participation.

I changed the subject and asked about how she got in there, and she said she was just out for a walk and she walked and walked and walked for hours, so far that she ended up in another town, and that’s when they got her and locked her up in the nursing home.

The walking for hours and hours is true. The actual distance from her house, though, is about a 15-minute walk. She just kept walking around and around until a couple of fellas noticed her, brought her into their shop, and called the police.

She seemed angry she was there, but resigned to it. She complained about everything, though: “Well, it’s not just Lee, all my boys are bossing me around now,” and when said how nice she looked, she said, “Oh, the nurses dressed me today…<pause>…didn’t let me pick out what I wanted, but they dressed me.”

She’s also wearing a criminal-style ankle bracelet, which she didn’t mention, even though she showed me her ankles to show me how swollen they were from walking so far.

…and I just heard from Lee. She told him she’s staying in a motel, that’s she’s left Dad, but she doesn’t know where the motel is.
 
TastyReuben said:
Here’s how my visit went today:

First off, the dog is fine. I don’t think he likes being on his own with just the TV for company, but he’s getting checked on three times a day. I took him for two 20-minute walks while I was there.

Went to the nursing home, and I was surprised to see Mom in Dad’s room, as the nurses contacted my brother last night to say they’d placed Dad off-limits because they walked in on her hitting him. But today, when I got there, she was in his room with a nurse present.

She left us alone and we talked for a bit. Dad was asleep the whole time, so I didn’t talk to him. Funny aside: he was dreaming, and he was twitching and running in his sleep, just like a dog. At one point, he shouted, “Haw! Haw! Get on! Get goin’!” and I knew he was dreaming about rounding up the cows for the night.

Anyway, Mom (like I’ve said before) just looked disgusted…with everything. She looked miserable and sad.

I talked to her and I asked how she was doing, and right out of the gate, she said, “I had two houses, and Lee sold them both!”

I reminded her that her previous house was sold, but she still has the condo, and she sharply said, “I don’t mean the condo! I mean my other two houses, and I’d go right from one to the other and back again, and Lee sold them both!” - Lee’s my brother and that’s a complete fabrication. She’s never had two houses, and their last house was sold with her complete knowledge and full participation.

I changed the subject and asked about how she got in there, and she said she was just out for a walk and she walked and walked and walked for hours, so far that she ended up in another town, and that’s when they got her and locked her up in the nursing home.

The walking for hours and hours is true. The actual distance from her house, though, is about a 15-minute walk. She just kept walking around and around until a couple of fellas noticed her, brought her into their shop, and called the police.

She seemed angry she was there, but resigned to it. She complained about everything, though: “Well, it’s not just Lee, all my boys are bossing me around now,” and when said how nice she looked, she said, “Oh, the nurses dressed me today…<pause>…didn’t let me pick out what I wanted, but they dressed me.”

She’s also wearing a criminal-style ankle bracelet, which she didn’t mention, even though she showed me her ankles to show me how swollen they were from walking so far.

…and I just heard from Lee. She told him she’s staying in a motel, that’s she’s left Dad, but she doesn’t know where the motel is.
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My dad does have some grasp on reality. He knows who he is, and his whole family. He knows where he is, and why. He obviously doesn't love it, but he seems content.

My mom's only mental issue is her memory, especially short term memory. As long as things are on her calendar, she usually remembers to look at it, and knows to take her pills, and other basic things. She's still okay to live on her own in her apartment, and my dad is in the same building, so she can go see him when she wants. She's getting used to seeing him as he is. She had a hard time with that, at first.

I'm going down there in a couple of weeks for their birthdays, and we'll celebrate mine at the same time.

CD
 
TastyReuben said:
Here’s how my visit went today:

First off, the dog is fine. I don’t think he likes being on his own with just the TV for company, but he’s getting checked on three times a day. I took him for two 20-minute walks while I was there.

Went to the nursing home, and I was surprised to see Mom in Dad’s room, as the nurses contacted my brother last night to say they’d placed Dad off-limits because they walked in on her hitting him. But today, when I got there, she was in his room with a nurse present.

She left us alone and we talked for a bit. Dad was asleep the whole time, so I didn’t talk to him. Funny aside: he was dreaming, and he was twitching and running in his sleep, just like a dog. At one point, he shouted, “Haw! Haw! Get on! Get goin’!” and I knew he was dreaming about rounding up the cows for the night.

Anyway, Mom (like I’ve said before) just looked disgusted…with everything. She looked miserable and sad.

I talked to her and I asked how she was doing, and right out of the gate, she said, “I had two houses, and Lee sold them both!”

I reminded her that her previous house was sold, but she still has the condo, and she sharply said, “I don’t mean the condo! I mean my other two houses, and I’d go right from one to the other and back again, and Lee sold them both!” - Lee’s my brother and that’s a complete fabrication. She’s never had two houses, and their last house was sold with her complete knowledge and full participation.

I changed the subject and asked about how she got in there, and she said she was just out for a walk and she walked and walked and walked for hours, so far that she ended up in another town, and that’s when they got her and locked her up in the nursing home.

The walking for hours and hours is true. The actual distance from her house, though, is about a 15-minute walk. She just kept walking around and around until a couple of fellas noticed her, brought her into their shop, and called the police.

She seemed angry she was there, but resigned to it. She complained about everything, though: “Well, it’s not just Lee, all my boys are bossing me around now,” and when said how nice she looked, she said, “Oh, the nurses dressed me today…<pause>…didn’t let me pick out what I wanted, but they dressed me.”

She’s also wearing a criminal-style ankle bracelet, which she didn’t mention, even though she showed me her ankles to show me how swollen they were from walking so far.

…and I just heard from Lee. She told him she’s staying in a motel, that’s she’s left Dad, but she doesn’t know where the motel is.
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Your Mum seems to have declined quite rapidly. That's difficult. At least with Steve (my partner) it is a slow and relatively gentle decline. The latest thing, is that he managed to eat nearly a third of a bar of soap! There it was on the kitchen draining board with teeth marks in it. :ohmy: It was an expensive and rather strongly fragranced soap. He seems to have suffered no consequences...
 
Morning Glory said:
The latest thing, is that he managed to eat nearly a third of a bar of soap!
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Maybe it looked like a piece of cake/sponge? Snack cakes come in all sorts of crazy colors here, so I could see that looking a tasty treat if it were a nice mint green or strawberry red, something like that.

Glad he’s no worse for wear!
 
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