Guests at lunch/dinner .. etiquette and surroundings

MypinchofItaly

MypinchofItaly

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Sometimes I have guests for lunch or dinner especially during the weekend, and I really like to receive friends, parents, and relatives.
I also like to organize aperitifs, to cook and get together and especially to make them comfortable.
My home is your home.
How long before you start thinking about the menu?
I also think about how to set up the table at best, choose the wine and the cutlery or the appropriate glasses ... but knowing how to receive the guests is not always easy and I'm still learning! Of course with long-time friends or parents are simpler. But sometimes it is a stress especially if people are not known so well.
And likewise when you are invited for lunch or dinner at someone's home, what to bring? Wine? What wine? Cake? Flowers? Diamonds? :happy:
And instead, did you happen to have rude people for dinner at your home? I mean, invite someone who come with empty hands or who smokes between one and the other dish?
Or even not to be comfortable at someone's home?
I'm curious to know your experiences in these cases ...
 
1. I tend to invite only people I know well.
2. I typically plan a week in advance.
3. I use the only dishes and glasses and cutlery I have. If a guest didn't like my corelle plates, stainless cutlery and cheap glasses then they are more than welcome not to let the door hit them on their arse on the way back out.
4. I always ask what I could bring. It makes life much simpler. I don't want to be known as an inconsiderate person. (2 examples I have heard of, bringing a sugar laden cake to a diabetic and bringing a high end wine to a non drinkers house.)(Yes, the guest knew in both examples. )
5. On the rude people, I don't care who they are, rude in my house, see #3 and don't ever darken my doorstep again.
6. If you are not comfortable, don't accept any more invitations to their house.

Now on the topic of gifts, I have received one very bad gift. A so-called friend knew I had a skin condition and am very sensitive to soaps. What did she get me for Christmas one year. The cheapest bath set she could find. That struck me as inconsiderate. Oh wait, I forgot one year same person decided everyone needed Christmas decorations (even knowing some people don't decorate).
 
Cinisajoy said:
1. I tend to invite only people I know well.
2. I typically plan a week in advance.
3. I use the only dishes and glasses and cutlery I have. If a guest didn't like my corelle plates, stainless cutlery and cheap glasses then they are more than welcome not to let the door hit them on their arse on the way back out.
4. I always ask what I could bring. It makes life much simpler. I don't want to be known as an inconsiderate person. (2 examples I have heard of, bringing a sugar laden cake to a diabetic and bringing a high end wine to a non drinkers house.)(Yes, the guest knew in both examples. )
5. On the rude people, I don't care who they are, rude in my house, see #3 and don't ever darken my doorstep again.
6. If you are not comfortable, don't accept any more invitations to their house.

Now on the topic of gifts, I have received one very bad gift. A so-called friend knew I had a skin condition and am very sensitive to soaps. What did she get me for Christmas one year. The cheapest bath set she could find. That struck me as inconsiderate. Oh wait, I forgot one year same person decided everyone needed Christmas decorations (even knowing some people don't decorate).
Click to expand...

A bad gift indeed, very little care for the person. Who knows why then. mah.
Sometimes we also invite someone to return a previous invitation (people we know but not know so well). It is usually used to bring wine for the meal or sweet wine for the after dinner. I tend to not bring homemade cake, maybe the hostess did it and it would not be nice, so in doubt, wine is perfect. But once it happened that someone asked us to bring some bread :eek:
Last weekend we were in umbria and we were invited to lunch by a relative of my husband but that town was very small and we could not find anything to bring. So when we returned to Milan, we delivered a bunch of flowers the following day to thank.
Once I had sent a friend to dinner with her new boyfriend who wanted to let us know. At some point in the dinner, he looks at me and asks me "who did this, did you or did you buy it?" :mad: "I hired it!"

Another time we were invited to dinner by my ex-associate and his wife (never seen before). When we arrived at their home, she was in dressing gown and we had to wait for her to prepare :ohmy::mad:... Without even offering a glass of water! After more than half an hour we went to the restaurant, I I would have eaten the table with the chairs, they decided to make me choose the wine, I tasted it, was good and when she drank it, she said " oh no, oh my God, what a suck, I don't like it!" So, I asked "did you prefer a coca cola?!"
 
Here if someone asks you to lunch, a thank you is sufficient. A gift is not deemed necessary or appropriate in most cases.
I am confused. In Italy, if someone wants to do something nice for you, are you obligated to do something nice for them?
Here in Texas, if I invite you to lunch it is because I want to spend time with you. I am not looking for a gift from you. I want to spend time with you. I do not want your money in any form or fashion.
A gift would ruin the gesture. Your gift would make it look like I expected something in return. Though if we live in the same town, another lunch on your dime would be considered appropriate.
If I didn't want to buy your lunch, I would ask if you wanted to meet at a restaurant and each pay for our own meals.

Wow just wow on the last one.

Now I have to say the most insulted my husband and I ever were was over a birthday gift.
A step relative of his had come into town. They asked about good food so we suggested the local buffet. They seemed to have enjoyed it. They even commented how good the food was. Approximate cost for 2 people was $20. A couple of months later, they send Hubby a birthday card with $100. That was ok except they added use this to have a nice dinner.
Hubby bought himself a nice used camera and we haven't heard from them since.
 
Cinisajoy said:
Here if someone asks you to lunch, a thank you is sufficient. A gift is not deemed necessary or appropriate in most cases.
I am confused. In Italy, if someone wants to do something nice for you, are you obligated to do something nice for them?
Here in Texas, if I invite you to lunch it is because I want to spend time with you. I am not looking for a gift from you. I want to spend time with you. I do not want your money in any form or fashion.
A gift would ruin the gesture. Your gift would make it look like I expected something in return. Though if we live in the same town, another lunch on your dime would be considered appropriate.
If I didn't want to buy your lunch, I would ask if you wanted to meet at a restaurant and each pay for our own meals.

Wow just wow on the last one.

Now I have to say the most insulted my husband and I ever were was over a birthday gift.
A step relative of his had come into town. They asked about good food so we suggested the local buffet. They seemed to have enjoyed it. They even commented how good the food was. Approximate cost for 2 people was $20. A couple of months later, they send Hubby a birthday card with $100. That was ok except they added use this to have a nice dinner.
Hubby bought himself a nice used camera and we haven't heard from them since.
Click to expand...

No no we aren't obligated if someone make something nice, absolutely. In that specific case it was about only for someone who we don't know well, not friends. But anyway is a nice though when you bring a gift for our tradition. But I need to explain this better tomorrow, now we are going out and I need to translate this in the better way helping by a good translation...
 
I assumed you were talking about formal dinner parties. Now there is another kind of get together here that it is most appropriate to bring your own alcoholic beverages and a side dish or two. It is also nice to call first to see if the host needs more ice.
It is called a BBQ. These typically last most of the day and usually into the evening. There is also usually a pool or other water feature involved.
For those that do not live in hot regions, the beer is typically kept in coolers on the back patio and iced down.
 
MypinchofItaly said:
No no we aren't obligated if someone make something nice, absolutely. In that specific case it was about only for someone who we don't know well, not friends. But anyway is a nice though when you bring a gift for our tradition. But I need to explain this better tomorrow, now we are going out and I need to translate this in the better way helping by a good translation...
Click to expand...
Your translation was great. Just different traditions.
 
@Cinisajoy,

Sheer Reading pleasure ! Reminded me a bit, of a Soap Opera !

Very dis-heartening when things turn negative for whatever reason ..

Especially if it is family related ..

All my best, for a lovely summer ..

Have a wonderful weekend ..
 
@MypinchofItaly,
Strange question. Was it a formal/fancy lunch or just something casual? Most lunches here don't run over about $15 each and that is at the more expensive lunches.
 
In all honesty, at this stage in our lives, we do not have any problems going to see our parents or our two twin sons & their wives or my in-laws.

Friends: In Spain, it is very common to meet with a couple of close friends at a restaurant / tapas bar to celebrate a birthday or just a get together when we are able ..

Due to our professions, it is very difficult to hold apartment dinners at our apartment. When we are home together at the weekends, we honestly prefer to go out for dinner by ourselves or drive up to Cadaquès to see our family & 2 grandsons.

And take the family boat out, weather permitting and enjoy the sea ..

I have to sit down and think back a couple of decades and see if I can come up with a "soap opera" !!!

Have a lovely weekend ..
 
Now the last luncheon my daughter and I hosted was for an anniversary. We instructed the guests to bring nothing but themselves. It went off without a hitch.
The after party daughter's husband insisted on, did have its share of soap opera moments.
The next day, both of us looked at her husband and said now you see why we didn't want the after party and why we hired a reception room for the luncheon instead of holding it here at the house. We chose the location because it didn't allow alcohol. Two reasons: teetotalers and over-indulgers.
 
MypinchofItaly said:
Sometimes I have guests for lunch or dinner especially during the weekend, and I really like to receive friends, parents, and relatives.
I also like to organize aperitifs, to cook and get together and especially to make them comfortable.
My home is your home.
How long before you start thinking about the menu?
I also think about how to set up the table at best, choose the wine and the cutlery or the appropriate glasses ... but knowing how to receive the guests is not always easy and I'm still learning! Of course with long-time friends or parents are simpler. But sometimes it is a stress especially if people are not known so well.
And likewise when you are invited for lunch or dinner at someone's home, what to bring? Wine? What wine? Cake? Flowers? Diamonds? :happy:
And instead, did you happen to have rude people for dinner at your home? I mean, invite someone who come with empty hands or who smokes between one and the other dish?
Or even not to be comfortable at someone's home?
I'm curious to know your experiences in these cases ...
Click to expand...
Unwritten etiquette rules vary but it can be easy to arrive at a party not knowing to bring a dish.
 
toddhicks209 said:
Unwritten etiquette rules vary but it can be easy to arrive at a party not knowing to bring a dish.
Click to expand...

@toddhicks209.

The simplest way to visit someone´s home, is to ask them, what they might like. If they drink wine for example, a nice bottle of wine or sparkling wine is always welcomed.

If not, a Non Alcoholic Sparkling Cider for example, or a dessert .. It says, you appreciate their invitation and it is good to see them again or to meet them if you do not know the people.

This is "common sense" and "international protocol" ..

I never go empty handed to someone´s home for dinner or lunch, never !

Not even my parents or sons homes .. I always bring an appreciative something ..

Have a nice day.
 
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