Lifestyle changes

mjd said:
What do you think would help? Is there anything I can do to help support you through this?
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I don't know. I tried diluting wine with water but ended up drinking just as much alcohol somehow. I ought to go out for long walks and/or drives. Trouble is I'm caring for someone with dementia so need to be here most of the time. I need to think about strategies.
 
Morning Glory said:
Trouble is I'm caring for someone with dementia so need to be here most of the time.
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Was just about to say it, there is usually some emotional weigth...but did not want to get too nosy....

long walks are perfect, if you can manage to secure the care person to manage for the 1 hour or 2 hours without needing you...which is hard, but maybe you can make it work.
Here is some sunny motivation...
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Windigo said:
My hormones are out of whack due to the new anti conception (is normal when you switch after being on one type for a long time). So I've been a little bit of an emotional wreck, feeling high one minute and down the next. It will pass.
I also sprained my ankle yesterday because I tripped over a loose tile, very embarassing because everyone was staring at me (and nobody offered to help me get up so I had to scramble myself together).
But despite that, I walked 5% more than my goal today because I was not out of breath! Yay.

So I am tired, emotional, and in a little pain so I apologise for being slow replying to everyone. It's just a little too much for me at the moment.
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Just take it at your own pace. You'll get there. ;-)
 
Morning Glory said:
I don't know. I tried diluting wine with water but ended up drinking just as much alcohol somehow. I ought to go out for long walks and/or drives. Trouble is I'm caring for someone with dementia so need to be here most of the time. I need to think about strategies.
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Being a caretaker for someone is exhausting work even in the best of times. My ex's aunt's husband had dementia. Luckily, she was an RN so she could tend to him until it got to be really bad and then he was transferred to a facility near their home.

Can you possibly hire a college kid to stay with him so you can get out more? I used to go sit with my great-grandmother so my grandmother could get some alone time. I also hired a mommy's helper as my marriage was crash landing. I had two little ones and a busted knee on top of all the drama he was throwing at me. It really helped quite a bit to have another set of hands.

Do you have any hobbies? I know you've mentioned in several posts that you want to get your recipes typed up and organized. I know you like photography. It is hard with COVID lockdowns but maybe you can find a photography group online. I restarted on my digital scrapbooking recently.

I don't know how it is in your area but most hospitals have a social worker who can help you find community resources. Maybe you can find a group for partners of people with dementia. It might help to have someone to talk to about that and possibly trade off on sitting so the other one can get a break.

Does your partner have good days sometimes? Can you two walk together? Maybe go to the park for a picnic? My ex would take my car keys so I couldn't leave the house with the kids. I would walk us a few blocks to the library or local park. Sometimes, I just set up a blanket in the backyard for a picnic with the kids.

Please think on it and let me know (here or PM) what I can do to help support you through this. I don't have all the answers but I'm willing to walk your journey with you. :hug:
 
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Well, I just experienced one of the lifestyle changes of my new apartment. I got my door bell ringing and opened to find a woman in the hall asking for help for a man who fell off his walker.

First, I have my own disabilities and lifting people off the ground is not something I want to get into. But I had to go see what had happened and render whatever assistance I could.

I found him lying on his back on the outside sidewalk where he and his wife were apparently coming from their car.

I queried him several times to make sure that he was not hurt or injured, whether I should call an ambulance. He insisted that he was not hurt and only needed help off the ground.

His walker had a seat on it and I decided to get him off the ground and into it. His wife was useless and of no help at all, even to position the walker. But I somehow managed to get him up by picking him up from under his arm pits and got him sitting stable in the walker. He was a heavy man and his legs seemed totally useless.

His wife, still useless, would not even help to push him into the building and down to their apartment. I had to do that.

I tried to insist that they get a caregiver there, because I was concerned how he would use the bathroom or even get into bed. When they refused that advice, I excused myself and left. It is not my responsibility to make those decisions for them and I am wondering whether I need to report the whole incident to the apartment manager and get them involved for the good of these people.
 
flyinglentris said:
Well, I just experienced one of the lifestyle changes of my new apartment. I got my door bell ringing and opened to find a woman in the hall asking for help for a man who fell off his walker.

First, I have my own disabilities and lifting people off the ground is not something I want to get into. But I had to go see what had happened and render whatever assistance I could.

I found him lying on his back on the outside sidewalk where he and his wife were apparently coming from their car.

I queried him several times to make sure that he was not hurt or injured, whether I should call an ambulance. He insisted that he was not hurt and only needed help off the ground.

His walker had a seat on it and I decided to get him off the ground and into it. His wife was useless and of no help at all, even to position the walker. But I somehow managed to get him up by picking him up from under his arm pits and got him sitting stable in the walker. He was a heavy man and his legs seemed totally useless.

His wife, still useless, would not even help to push him into the building and down to their apartment. I had to do that.

I tried to insist that they get a caregiver there, because I was concerned how he would use the bathroom or even get into bed. When they refused that advice, I excused myself and left. It is not my responsibility to make those decisions for them and I am wondering whether I need to report the whole incident to the apartment manager and get them involved for the good of these people.
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I'm glad you were there to help them in their time of need. In your position, I would absolutely report it to the property manager(s). It will be up to them to intervene if they deem that necessary.
 
Timenspace said:
Nice of you to have helped. Have you injured yourself in the lifting?
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No, I did not hurt myself. I was just concerned about this guy as his wife wasn't being much help to him and might not normally even live with him, but was around because she drove him somewhere.

The man really desperately needs visits from a care giver, but seemed reluctant to contact one.
 
flyinglentris said:
The man really desperately needs visits from a care giver, but seemed reluctant to contact one.
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Oh I see. Good for you, last thing you need is an injury.
That is a peculiar situation. Who knows how they reason.
Care givers are a blessing at certain times. When my Mom and I took care of my late Grandma, her mom, who was a cancer patient, it was tough, we created shifts. But after 6 months we were so wiped out, we had to get a care giver.
 
flyinglentris said:
No, I did not hurt myself. I was just concerned about this guy as his wife wasn't being much help to him and might not normally even live with him, but was around because she drove him somewhere.

The man really desperately needs visits from a care giver, but seemed reluctant to contact one.
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You already know this but it's very difficult to do this psychologically.

I sustained many injuries from falls and fainting (and former physical abuse by my parents) but held onto the idea that I was strong and could manage. I reasoned that I never had a loving family and certainly not their support so I was fine alone. I was wrong.

I finally admitted to myself that I needed help when I paramedics entered my apartment and revived me before I died of smoke inhalation. I literally fainted while frying chicken and the burning oil set off my smoke alarms. My neighbors apparently knocked and called 911 when I didn't respond. So, my decision to ask for help centered more around the guilt I felt about the idea of burning the building down and endangering my neighbors.

Even recently, I've been reluctant to admit I can't do something and end up hearing about it from my caregiver. Even that feels weird to me. She has two other clients, both in their 80s. Get this. One of them gets 6 hours/week. The other gets 4 hours/week. I get 23.5 hours/week and they both are older than my parents. My caregiver is even older than me. It messes with my head for sure but I have to admit I just can't do the things I used to do. I really regret overdoing it when I was younger. I gave far too much to far too many people that took me for granted. Now my body and mind are paying a hefty price.

I hope your neighbor is able and willing to ask for help before it gets too bad for them especially if his wife is clearly unable to assist him much physically. Again, I am glad you were there and willing to help and didn't get injured yourself. I wish more of us would reach out to others in need.
 
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