Feelings about entertaining/socializing

TastyReuben

TastyReuben

Nosh 'n' Splosh
Staff member
Joined
15 Jul 2019
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Location
Ohio, US
[Mod comment: first several posts moved to form new topic (TR)]

Arrrggghhh…I’m annoyed!

I have my first cream cheese dish set to make on Saturday, serve on Sunday (it needs a day to “cure”).

Hold that thought for a couple of minutes while I digress.

Brother is coming into town for a visit, and we all like to get together for breakfast out, just to chat and BS and make fun of each other, so we starting working on picking a date for that, when one brother suddenly bailed on breakfast and said he wanted to go to lunch, and named a place.

Ok, fine, no problem. I prefer breakfast, it’s less rushed, more conducive to sitting around visiting, but that’s fine.

We finally hammer out a date and time next week, I put in for the afternoon off since it’s a workday for me (they’re all retired)…and then the same brother comes back with, “I’d rather have a cookout at the house for this weekend.”

🤦🏻‍♂️

Here’s the problem - well, first, there won’t be a firm day picked until right before, like late Friday or maybe even early Saturday morning, leaving little time to make anything (none of them/their wives will make much, it’ll be burgers, dogs, and store-bought everything else).

Second, I can make my planned first cream cheese entry and bring it (it’s actually meant to be a party dish), but I need to know at least 24 hours in advance, and on top of that, no one will eat it if I bring it. Without giving it away here, it’ll be too “weird” and “out there” and “oh, I’m not sure about that, what is it again?”

They’ve managed to hose my weekend plans and my first challenge entry! 😠
 
TastyReuben said:
Arrrggghhh…I’m annoyed!

I have my first cream cheese dish set to make on Saturday, serve on Sunday (it needs a day to “cure”).

Hold that thought for a couple of minutes while I digress.

Brother is coming into town for a visit, and we all like to get together for breakfast out, just to chat and BS and make fun of each other, so we starting working on picking a date for that, when one brother suddenly bailed on breakfast and said he wanted to go to lunch, and named a place.

Ok, fine, no problem. I prefer breakfast, it’s less rushed, more conducive to sitting around visiting, but that’s fine.

We finally hammer out a date and time next week, I put in for the afternoon off since it’s a workday for me (they’re all retired)…and then the same brother comes back with, “I’d rather have a cookout at the house for this weekend.”

🤦🏻‍♂️

Here’s the problem - well, first, there won’t be a firm day picked until right before, like late Friday or maybe even early Saturday morning, leaving little time to make anything (none of them/their wives will make much, it’ll be burgers, dogs, and store-bought everything else).

Second, I can make my planned first cream cheese entry and bring it (it’s actually meant to be a party dish), but I need to know at least 24 hours in advance, and on top of that, no one will eat it if I bring it. Without giving it away here, it’ll be too “weird” and “out there” and “oh, I’m not sure about that, what is it again?”

They’ve managed to hose my weekend plans and my first challenge entry! 😠
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Cream cheese keeps well, maybe try again next week if possible? Sorry to hear this, it must be very dissapointing. I hope you'll still be able to have a good time regardless. Wishing you luck.
 
Windigo said:
Cream cheese keeps well, maybe try again next week if possible? Sorry to hear this, it must be very dissapointing. I hope you'll still be able to have a good time regardless. Wishing you luck.
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Oh <BLEEP!!!> no, I’m makin’ it and if they don’t like it, tough 💩 to them! :laugh:

I occasionally talk about Midwestern habits, most of which I find charming, but this is one example that drives me nuts - no one will ever commit to anything for fear of inconveniencing anyone else - so I’ve been subjected to two days of this:

“You all want to meet up for breakfast or something?”
“Sounds great!”
“What does everyone prefer, breakfast or later in the day?”
“I don’t care, whatever works for everyone else.”
“Yeah, me too, whatever everyone else prefers.”
“So…breakfast then?”
“Yeah, great! Or lunch. Whatever works for everyone else. I’m easy.”
“Breakfast or lunch works for me, either one, somebody just say the word!”

That turned into what day for the eventual cookout we’re having:

“Ok, cookout it is. I can do either Saturday or Sunday, makes no never mind to me.”
“I can go along with whatever everyone else wants. Both work for me.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll show up either day. Just let me know when it’s decided.”

Now we’re up to the foods:

“I’m providing the burgers and dogs, what’s everyone else planning on bringing?”
“I can bring anything anybody likes, just let me know.”
“Yeah, once everyone else knows what they’re bringing, I’ll fill in the gaps. Just tell me once you know.”
“I’m easy, I can bring anything!”

🤦🏻‍♂️

No one wants to state a preference, for fear that they’ll suggest something that’ll get in the way of someone else - “I’m ok with whatever” is our way of saying, “I want you to choose so you get what you want and don’t have to suffer through what I want and I’ll just be the martyr and put up with it.”

Anyway, back to the challenge, I’m now making two cream cheese dishes for the festivities: an appetizer and a dessert. I may take off Friday afternoon to prepare.
 
TastyReuben said:
Oh <BLEEP!!!> no, I’m makin’ it and if they don’t like it, tough 💩 to them! :laugh:

I occasionally talk about Midwestern habits, most of which I find charming, but this is one example that drives me nuts - no one will ever commit to anything for fear of inconveniencing anyone else - so I’ve been subjected to two days of this:

“You all want to meet up for breakfast or something?”
“Sounds great!”
“What does everyone prefer, breakfast or later in the day?”
“I don’t care, whatever works for everyone else.”
“Yeah, me too, whatever everyone else prefers.”
“So…breakfast then?”
“Yeah, great! Or lunch. Whatever works for everyone else. I’m easy.”
“Breakfast or lunch works for me, either one, somebody just say the word!”

That turned into what day for the eventual cookout we’re having:

“Ok, cookout it is. I can do either Saturday or Sunday, makes no never mind to me.”
“I can go along with whatever everyone else wants. Both work for me.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll show up either day. Just let me know when it’s decided.”

Now we’re up to the foods:

“I’m providing the burgers and dogs, what’s everyone else planning on bringing?”
“I can bring anything anybody likes, just let me know.”
“Yeah, once everyone else knows what they’re bringing, I’ll fill in the gaps. Just tell me once you know.”
“I’m easy, I can bring anything!”

🤦🏻‍♂️

No one wants to state a preference, for fear that they’ll suggest something that’ll get in the way of someone else - “I’m ok with whatever” is our way of saying, “I want you to choose so you get what you want and don’t have to suffer through what I want and I’ll just be the martyr and put up with it.”

Anyway, back to the challenge, I’m now making two cream cheese dishes for the festivities: an appetizer and a dessert. I may take off Friday afternoon to prepare.
Click to expand...

Oh, yeah...it's that time of year, isn't it? Things always seem to turn out okay, as long as someone agrees to bring the meats.
 
TastyReuben said:
“You all want to meet up for breakfast or something?”
“Sounds great!”
“What does everyone prefer, breakfast or later in the day?”
“I don’t care, whatever works for everyone else.”
“Yeah, me too, whatever everyone else prefers.”
“So…breakfast then?”
“Yeah, great! Or lunch. Whatever works for everyone else. I’m easy.”
“Breakfast or lunch works for me, either one, somebody just say the word!”

That turned into what day for the eventual cookout we’re having:

“Ok, cookout it is. I can do either Saturday or Sunday, makes no never mind to me.”
“I can go along with whatever everyone else wants. Both work for me.”
“Don’t worry about me, I’ll show up either day. Just let me know when it’s decided.”

Now we’re up to the foods:

“I’m providing the burgers and dogs, what’s everyone else planning on bringing?”
“I can bring anything anybody likes, just let me know.”
“Yeah, once everyone else knows what they’re bringing, I’ll fill in the gaps. Just tell me once you know.”
“I’m easy, I can bring anything!”
Click to expand...
These midwestern folk are without doubt descended from the British Middle Class 😂
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
I wouldn’t say I was middle class so Venezuela would suit me fine 😂
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:laugh: :laugh:
I can't understand why folks get so uptight about a lunch or a dinner. I mean, the whole idea is to enjoy yourselves, isn't it? We've had people turn up at home just to drop something off, or chat about something, and then a bottle comes out, time goes on and off I toddle to the kitchen and whip up a dish of pasta. Pasta takes about 30 minutes, start to finish, and I do everything (except the pasta) from scratch. Given that a majority seem to use shop bought sauce, that brings the time down to about 20 minutes. What's the hassle?
When we were in the UK in 2022, it took literally MONTHS to meet up with our old friends. Every excuse under the sun (I've got to take the hamster to the vet; I'm looking after next door's orchid plant; it might rain that day; I think my husband's got to collect his new glasses) as if we weren't actually welcome. With one friend, we managed a whole weekend and I cooked up a curry with 6 different dishes. Took me a whole morning, yes, but I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.
One friend made so many excuses that I just gave up. Perhaps he really didn't want to see me.
 
karadekoolaid said:
:laugh: :laugh:
I can't understand why folks get so uptight about a lunch or a dinner. I mean, the whole idea is to enjoy yourselves, isn't it? We've had people turn up at home just to drop something off, or chat about something, and then a bottle comes out, time goes on and off I toddle to the kitchen and whip up a dish of pasta. Pasta takes about 30 minutes, start to finish, and I do everything (except the pasta) from scratch. Given that a majority seem to use shop bought sauce, that brings the time down to about 20 minutes. What's the hassle?
When we were in the UK in 2022, it took literally MONTHS to meet up with our old friends. Every excuse under the sun (I've got to take the hamster to the vet; I'm looking after next door's orchid plant; it might rain that day; I think my husband's got to collect his new glasses) as if we weren't actually welcome. With one friend, we managed a whole weekend and I cooked up a curry with 6 different dishes. Took me a whole morning, yes, but I did it because I wanted to, not because I had to.
One friend made so many excuses that I just gave up. Perhaps he really didn't want to see me.
Click to expand...
I can only speak from what I’ve experienced and I don’t think what happened in 2022 is personal.
I think there’s a general level of uptightness that hampers people. That and a fear of being judged. We are an incredibly judgmental nation and I know for sure from friends that having people over for something to eat for them is anxiety provoking.
Judged on their house, their decor, their housekeeping, their life choices, their parenting, the crockery, cutlery, food choices and cooking skills. This even extends to going out to lunch, what to wear, what to choose, what conversation to have, what they mustn’t mention.
The British middle classes need to take a big fat chill pill!
And they do in the form of alcohol (usually wine) all the time but even that is judged so they prefer to do that behind closed doors too!

I go to Spain and see their lovely attitude to dining together and think how have we got this stuff so wrong!
 
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karadekoolaid said:
I can't understand why folks get so uptight about a lunch or a dinner.
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I’ll field this, as I’m one of those “uptight” ones! :laugh:

Really, it just comes down to different personality types, and how we each got to be the way we are; a little bit nature and a little bit nurture, I suppose.

Some people are natural performers, love a crowd, are at ease speaking in front of others, and some people have more going on that they keep inside than they let out, prefer being left alone maybe, or feel uncomfortable around others, even family, friends, and coworkers.

Like I say about different interpretations of dishes, one’s not better than the other, just different.

SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
That and a fear of being judged.
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It’s a little bit that, but my main issue is judging myself.

I’ll expound more later, Ghosts is on! :laugh:
 
karadekoolaid said:
Friday lunchtime:
"We're coming over for lunch on Sunday. What are you cooking? I'll bring wine and some dessert"
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For clarity, are you saying people invite themselves over to yours?

If so, that person would soon find they’d be a pariah in social circles here. That would be at about the same level of offensiveness as, say, insulting someone’s great-grandmother’s walnut cake recipe…unforgivable! :laugh:
 
TastyReuben said:
I’ll field this, as I’m one of those “uptight” ones! :laugh:

Really, it just comes down to different personality types, and how we each got to be the way we are; a little bit nature and a little bit nurture, I suppose.

Some people are natural performers, love a crowd, are at ease speaking in front of others, and some people have more going on that they keep inside than they let out, prefer being left alone maybe, or feel uncomfortable around others, even family, friends, and coworkers.

Like I say about different interpretations of dishes, one’s not better than the other, just different.


It’s a little bit that, but my main issue is judging myself.

I’ll expound more later, Ghosts is on! :laugh:
Click to expand...
Are you Pete?
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
I know for sure from friends that having people over for something to eat for them is anxiety provoking.
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It is very much so for me, even if it’s someone we know well. I’ll be sick to my stomach for two or three days ahead of time, worrying about everything.

I think the single worst I’ve ever felt in my life was the night of our only Christmas party, probably 15 years ago. I was sick with worry, exhausted for days ahead of time from (over)planning, trying to make sure things were just right, that the night of, I really was close to a complete nervous breakdown. That’s not an exaggeration - I was in the back room at one point, shaking uncontrollably, my nerves were so shot, and days of no sleep, and then drinking ahead of and during the party, trying to calm down and be sociable, didn’t help. I was actually quite rude a couple of times, I was so drained and stressed.
 
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