Your mental health

[Windigo]

I recently felt up & down as frequently as a rollercoaster, since being in the ICU. It's normal to feel that way after being in a life threatening situation, so I am patiënt with myself. I meditate and use prescribed medication to keep calm when needed.

So what do you all do when you're stressed, down, or anxious?

How do you keep mentally healthy. Do you struggle or thrive?

All stories welcome in this thread, don't judge and try to be supportive of each other.

 

[caseydog]

I used to drink, but that didn't work out very well.

I take meds for GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and OCD daily. Without the meds, I have this annoying buzz of anxiety all the time, for absolutely no reason. It is a brain chemistry thing.

If I get hit hard, as I always do in mid winter, I focus on the fact that I have been here before, and things always got better. Knowing that the depression/anxiety will pass (as it always does) makes it easier to cope with.

CD

 

[SatNavSaysStraightOn]

So what do you all do when you're stressed, down, or anxious?

I let myself have a cry, usually on hubby's shoulder. Then I remind myself that I've been worse, it's been harder and we've both come through it together. It usually sorts itself it in a few days to weeks....

When asked how do you manage, how did you cope? I usually just answer that I hadn't appreciated there was any other option available.

I lost a best friend to suicide when I was 21 (and over the years several others friends and a student I knew well). I saw what it did to her family and know I can never do that to mine (hubby, relatives and in-laws all included), so it has never, ever been an option.

Things sort themself out eventually, even if it take years. It's just a day at a time, as it is currently again.

 

[TastyReuben]

So what do you all do when you're stressed, down, or anxious?

Usually I just yell at everyone. That’s half-joke, half-true.

I seem to have two sources of anxiety- worrying about things yet to come, and being intensely annoyed by this perception that other people (coworkers/family) are trying to dictate what I do/how I spend my time and pulling me in six different directions - a sort of feeling that I never have time to myself, for myself; I’m either taking my wife to the doctor, or having to stay up half the night for work, or having to drive 75 minutes each way to visit my parents, or having to help some other family member with some crisis of their own making, and I start to think that I’m not even here (alive) for myself, but purely for the convenience and use of others.

Did that make any sense?

Mainly, I just try and get away by myself for a while, because another source of anxiety for me is a sort of sensory overload, or a sort of overstimulation. If there’s a lot going on around me, it can really upset my mood, to the point I get a kind of motion sickness, with a nauseous feeling.

That happens a lot when we visit my wife’s family, as they’re all very loud, yell and scream a lot, and they all talk at the same time, while the TV is on, and their phones are on, it just does me in and it’s why, even though I’m considered quite rude for it, I always insist on staying at a nearby hotel, because I have to have a place to get away to after a couple of hours.

While we’re at it, Doc, I also feel a lot of pressure with time constraints. I have a hard time relaxing, because I have so much to do, I’m always behind. I’m late right now getting breakfast started, so even this, I’m trying to rush through.

Whew! That felt good. Same time next week, Doc?

 

[PabloLerntKochen]

What helps me to feel a bit confident in my resilience is to read or listen to something around mental health or Jesus.
My current lifestyle is focused on growth (growth mindset), to be as good as possible.

I'm observing my situation almost everyday, look at what problems should be solved and which can wait, Eisenhower had a famous strategy on problem solving. That helps with all this anxiety, at least I think it's.

And then sport, exercising brings huge benefits to your brain.
At the end of the day, I'll read or do something else, that's not pushing your heartrate, what is good for sleep

 

[JAS_OH1]

What helps me to feel a bit confident in my resilience is to read or listen to something around mental health or Jesus.
My current lifestyle is focused on growth (growth mindset), to be as good as possible.

I'm observing my situation almost everyday, look at what problems should be solved and which can wait, Eisenhower had a famous strategy on problem solving. That helps with all this anxiety, at least I think it's.

And then sport, exercising brings huge benefits to your brain.
At the end of the day, I'll read or do something else, that's not pushing your heartrate, what is good for sleep

You are exceptionally wise for your age.

I drink too much sometimes, but cooking relaxes me as well. I also know I'm lucky in not having a lot of things going on that cause me stress to begin with. I tend to count my blessing more than cursing unfortunate circumstances.

And of course this forum is a great place to vent!

 

[Windigo]

I let myself have a cry, usually on hubby's shoulder. Then I remind myself that I've been worse, it's been harder and we've both come through it together. It usually sorts itself it in a few days to weeks....

When asked how do you manage, how did you cope? I usually just answer that I hadn't appreciated there was any other option available.

I lost a best friend to suicide when I was 21 (and over the years several others friends and a student I knew well). I saw what it did to her family and know I can never do that to mine (hubby, relatives and in-laws all included), so it has never, ever been an option.

Things sort themself out eventually, even if it take years. It's just a day at a time, as it is currently again.

I know this feeling, I've got so many compliments about my mental resilience over the years. But when you have no choice, you just have to go on. The alternative, is not an alternative as you said.
I have been clinically depressed but even then I always felt the line from a song of Robbie williams 'I don't want to die, but I ain't keen on living either' was how I felt. I have had days where I felt I was in the darkest pits, yet always had faith that things would somehow improve and there would be a light at the end of the tunnel even if I couldn't see it yet. I have not yet been proven wrong. The highs have always been worth the lows.

 

[Windigo]

I used to drink, but that didn't work out very well.

I take meds for GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and OCD daily. Without the meds, I have this annoying buzz of anxiety all the time, for absolutely no reason. It is a brain chemistry thing.

If I get hit hard, as I always do in mid winter, I focus on the fact that I have been here before, and things always got better. Knowing that the depression/anxiety will pass (as it always does) makes it easier to cope with.

CD

By the fact that you ackowledge this alone, you're doing great managing your conditions! You have my respect, that's a lot to deal with.

 

[PabloLerntKochen]

Actually I've to admit, the best thing to know is, that most people, don't care about you being sick. It's not a cry out, about me being mentally unstable, but since I started therapy, many "mysteries" turned out to be understandable.

What I'm working on sometimes is metacognition, the way how we learned to think and how we should actually think. Black and white thinking, distorted thoughts, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing are just a few bad habits, there're more and they're actually all signs of a bad mentality.

Some people say I'm weird, others not. First I believed the ones who believe in me could be friends, now I believe they have the same problems as me.

I'll never have the faith like Windigo, I'm just happy to be still alive, not have to be on a battlefield and that I'm still able to work on my brain and how I'm understanding my surroundings.

 

[Windigo]

Usually I just yell at everyone. That’s half-joke, half-true.

I seem to have two sources of anxiety- worrying about things yet to come, and being intensely annoyed by this perception that other people (coworkers/family) are trying to dictate what I do/how I spend my time and pulling me in six different directions - a sort of feeling that I never have time to myself, for myself; I’m either taking my wife to the doctor, or having to stay up half the night for work, or having to drive 75 minutes each way to visit my parents, or having to help some other family member with some crisis of their own making, and I start to think that I’m not even here (alive) for myself, but purely for the convenience and use of others.

Did that make any sense?

Yeah of course it did! Being a caregiver is very mentally taxing , love doesn't solve everything. You can love someone to bits, but caregiving is always difficult. That you need some respite is normal. Are there ways you are doing that?

Mainly, I just try and get away by myself for a while, because another source of anxiety for me is a sort of sensory overload, or a sort of overstimulation. If there’s a lot going on around me, it can really upset my mood, to the point I get a kind of motion sickness, with a nauseous feeling.

That happens a lot when we visit my wife’s family, as they’re all very loud, yell and scream a lot, and they all talk at the same time, while the TV is on, and their phones are on, it just does me in and it’s why, even though I’m considered quite rude for it, I always insist on staying at a nearby hotel, because I have to have a place to get away to after a couple of hours.

While we’re at it, Doc, I also feel a lot of pressure with time constraints. I have a hard time relaxing, because I have so much to do, I’m always behind. I’m late right now getting breakfast started, so even this, I’m trying to rush through.

Whew! That felt good. Same time next week, Doc?

Well, I may be rude too but I would not be able to stand that for long either. It also doesn't prove to me that they're really interested in your company, because they're clearly spending their time on other things. So I would say just let them seethe, you were there and when you were they were busy watching tv so they wasted that time themselves.

 

[Windigo]

Actually I've to admit, the best thing to know is, that most people, don't care about you being sick. It's not a cry out, about me being mentally unstable, but since I started therapy, many "mysteries" turned out to be understandable.

Well I know that too, which is why I vent here and nor IRL to most people. But I absolutely hate this mentality too. I lost all my friends when I first got sick, and my social circle has never been the same. You can't hide 14 hospital stays in 5 years, even if you don't want to tell others much about your troubles. And being as ill as I am at my age, alienates a lot of people.

I am there for my friends, good times or bad. I know it doesn't change anything about how most people think. But I despise people who abandon those who suffer. I was there for my sick friends before I ever got ill too. Only getting ill myself showed me this ugly side of humanity.

What I'm working on sometimes is metacognition, the way how we learned to think and how we should actually think. Black and white thinking, distorted thoughts, overgeneralizing, catastrophizing are just a few bad habits, there're more and they're actually all signs of a bad mentality.

I think generalising things in to 'good mentality, bad mentality' is also black and white thinking. Life is full of shades of grey. People may have reasons to think this way, like trauma, suffering, past experiences. I think what counts is being concious of your thoughts, and working on negative patterns. But just forcing positivity doesn't work. Just like not thinking of a polar bear doesn't work (see, you did it!)

Some people say I'm weird, others not. First I believed the ones who believe in me could be friends, now I believe they have the same problems as me.

I'll never have the faith like Windigo, I'm just happy to be still alive, not have to be on a battlefield and that I'm still able to work on my brain and how I'm understanding my surroundings.

Well, it's good to take things day by day. I think you're closer to this faith than you think. Gratitude is one of the most important mental qualities to stay flexible. There isn't a day I am not grateful for, no matter how much I suffer.

 

[PabloLerntKochen]

I think generalising things in to 'good mentality, bad mentality' is also black and white thinking. Life is full of shades of grey. People may have reasons to think this way, like trauma, suffering, past experiences. I think what counts is being concious of your thoughts, and working on negative patterns. But just forcing positivity doesn't work. Just like not thinking of a polar bear doesn't work (see, you did it!)

well, it's a fact, that you can have a bad, broken or sick brain, that's what I summ up to bad mentality. Generalizing means ''generalization, in psychology, the tendency to respond in the same way to different but similar stimuli''.

When I wasn't clear enough, that I'll try to develop a mentality, the therapists are talking and teaching about, I'm sorry, I know that I'm still a beginner. It's a long way to go, to develop a good working brain, it's not about being positive all the time, I know, it's about being positive with temperance, understand where the negative feelings are coming from and what to do with them.

My mother told me a story about a guy from the news, he was working on his brain until it could be called a good or right working brain, from the therapist or psychologist view and it only took him 20 years. I've got the same goal. That's what I'm working with Free Online CBT Workbook and a therapist in the making.

 

[TastyReuben]

Are there ways you are doing that?

Mainly, I get the better part of one day a week more or less to myself, and there are some periods (one is coming up) where MrsT is traveling for one reason or another and I’m not.

I really enjoy those breaks, frankly, because there’s no long-winded discussion about what to eat…what to watch on TV…where to go for this or that…everything is so much…simpler, if that makes sense, and that goes a long way.

Whenever my wife is gone, though, I start getting hounded by my mom or others in the family, “Oh you’re over there doing nothing, you should come over here for a visit,” and I have to continually explain that I get very little time truly to myself, so yeah, no offense, but I’m not coming over there!

Side note - I’m generally somewhat fastidious about following a personal routine, like eating breakfast at a certain time, showering, brushing my teeth, getting (somewhat ) dressed…but the first morning after MrsT leaves, all that goes out the window…for one day. I don’t follow any kind of schedule at all.

 

[JAS_OH1]

Mainly, I get the better part of one day a week more or less to myself, and there are some periods (one is coming up) where MrsT is traveling for one reason or another and I’m not.

I really enjoy those breaks, frankly, because there’s no long-winded discussion about what to eat…what to watch on TV…where to go for this or that…everything is so much…simpler, if that makes sense, and that goes a long way.

Whenever my wife is gone, though, I start getting hounded by my mom or others in the family, “Oh you’re over there doing nothing, you should come over here for a visit,” and I have to continually explain that I get very little time truly to myself, so yeah, no offense, but I’m not coming over there!

Side note - I’m generally somewhat fastidious about following a personal routine, like eating breakfast at a certain time, showering, brushing my teeth, getting (somewhat ) dressed…but the first morning after MrsT leaves, all that goes out the window…for one day. I don’t follow any kind of schedule at all.

I'm leaving town for a couple days (leaving this afternoon) and looking forward to it on my end. I am worried about my husband eating properly while I'm gone, but looking forward to traveling and being on my own a bit. I think it will be good for me, I love driving and I love Pennsylvania and New York. My husband, on the other hand, gets separation anxiety when I'm away. Usually a few days is fine but if I'm gone longer, he kinda has a meltdown.

 

[Windigo]

well, it's a fact, that you can have a bad, broken or sick brain, that's what I summ up to bad mentality. Generalizing means ''generalization, in psychology, the tendency to respond in the same way to different but similar stimuli''.

When I wasn't clear enough, that I'll try to develop a mentality, the therapists are talking and teaching about, I'm sorry, I know that I'm still a beginner. It's a long way to go, to develop a good working brain, it's not about being positive all the time, I know, it's about being positive with temperance, understand where the negative feelings are coming from and what to do with them.

Reading your response I think you meant to say that it's possible for people to have a disorder, brain damage, or unhealthy coping patterns which cause negative and repetitive behaviours, but which are not all within our control. But that we can work on them to improve those conditions. I agree with that.

My mother told me a story about a guy from the news, he was working on his brain until it could be called a good or right working brain, from the therapist or psychologist view and it only took him 20 years. I've got the same goal. That's what I'm working with Free Online CBT Workbook and a therapist in the making.

Well, you're doing great! My post was by no means meant as critiscism, as I am a work in progress myself. My psych declared me mentally stable about 5 years ago after 10 years of therapy, but that doesn't mean the work is done. Healthy people can also be people who struggle with mental health, it depends on how they cope with it. There are healthy and unhealthy coping mechanisms, as you said.