Family and food.

Saranak

Saranak

Senior Member
Joined
7 Mar 2020
Local time
3:04 PM
Messages
837
Location
Birmingham UK
Ciao a tutti,
I been sit in kitchen an realise what food can do in different situation. As all know I from Napoli famiglia is very important they everything to me, it have been huge in my famiglia. Celebration, religious an others, everything from wedding, birthday, love ones pass away, graduation, break up with boyfriend / girlfriend. Christmas, Easter list endless. We laugh an yes sometime cry together, but food always bring us together. I love conversations at table, jokes an sometime argument! Two off my Bambini twins Antonio an Allessandro, they born five minute apart, they no exactly same. I have many memory of both sat in highchair with face cover in Ragu an pasta in hair. Maria when she make first cake she so proud. Luca when he try lemon slice he was 4 his little face screw up.
I think food very important to famiglia in sane time it only time we come together, I think it heart of famiglia I also think it primeval instinct to feed children best can be done.
Can food fix thing? I believe it can, it can make people happy when sad, it can comfort. Most happy memory I have include food, I think nothing better than smells of good food in house, cakes an bread, fry garlic an onion, fresh herbs this to me is smell of love an happy home.
Do other members think same?

Sarana x
 
I think my feelings about family are probably quite different from yours, just because of the way we were raised.

In one sense, our family is not close at all. We were raised in, well, I guess you would say a somewhat detached kind of way. My parents have never been very emotional, or very demonstrative with affection, and we're still like that with each other now. Would you believe I have three siblings who live on the same side street in what would be comparable to a very small rural British village, just a few houses separate them, and they only see each other or talk during special occasions? They can literally see each others' houses from their front yards, but they just don't socialize. That's largely how my family is.

However, should one of us need something, we all help out. When my wife had her stroke several years ago, she wanted a rocking chair, and she was still in the hospital, and I couldn't get away to buy one or have one delivered, as all my time was spent at the hospital. I mentioned it in passing to my mom, and the next day, there was a brand new, fairly expensive rocking chair sat outside my door. One of my brothers bought it and drove the 70 miles to my house and dropped it off. I'm not even sure if I ever paid him for it.

But food...we grew up with so much food, because we raised all our own, including our own meat, which we raised, slaughtered, and butchered ourselves. When we all lived at home, Mom cooked for 10 people, three meals a day, every day, and every meal was a feast by today's standard. To my mom, especially, food equaled love, and that's how she showed her affection for her family. She fed and fed and fed some more.

I think a kind of funny memory I have is that our table would be so full of food, there would be no room for your plate, and there's more than one old Polaroid photo of everyone sat around the table...with plates in their laps because there was no space on the table!
 
Yes, most of my happy memories are centered around food. You now of course know there is a darker side to it too for me which you can read in the spoiler. my parents always had locks on the cupboards and measured all my food for years until I was out of the house. I was always underweight when I was a child, when I left home I was a bmi of 17,2 which is underweight and you could count all my ribs and my hip bones were visible.

So naturally being hungry, food was my main focus in life as a child. And when I went to visit my grandma, she would always have a big pot of meatballs just for me because I loved them. And she would feed me cake, and even let me have toast with mayo (weird I know but hunger does strange things with your brain). Looking back I realise why she said my parents were 'too strict' and that she 'needed to spoil me' and why she had a friend bring me toys who tried to get me to say my parents were hurting me. I was just still an innocent child and loved my parents and I believed they were 'just strict' and nothing abnormal. That picture is quite different in hindsight.

My parents fed me a macrobiotic diet until age 7 when the doctor said I needed to eat normally because I was anemic and undernourished. After that they went vegetarian and it was a bit better for me, but the weird food rules stayed until I lived on my own.

For me food has become a definite way to show love, I think my childhood definitely shaped my ambition to become a chef and center my life around food. My pantry is always full and I always have something ready for my friends to eat, and I spoil my loved ones with treats. My loved ones are naturally skinny as a rail and eat like wolves, so that's a nice bonus for me. I can feed them lots and they keep asking for more. One of the things I love about my husband is his genuine appreciation for my cooking and his interest in food. I definitely could not live with someone who doesn't care what's on his plate.
I have no relatives to share meals with, but I have a loving chosen family and that's great too. I hope to be a good grandmother with a bountiful table for my stepkids children.
 
Windigo - my mom is the opposite of your folks (who sound seriously misguided, if I may say so). She wants to see people shoveling it in 24/7. :)

Typically, when I go visit my parents, I'll call them first and my mom will say, "Ok, I'll have something fixed for you when you get here," and I'll tell her, "No, please don't, because I'll be between meals."

So I'll walk in the door, and I don't care what time it is, the first thing she'll say is, "Can I fry you an egg? How about a fried egg? And some bacon, some good ol' thick bacon?"

I'll say no, thanks, go in and sit down, and five minutes later, my mom will come in with a plate of potato chips and a couple of cookies on it, something like that: "Well, here, just eat this little bit. I swear, you look sick and a little tired from that long drive!"

Before I can finish that, she'll disappear and come back with a bologna sandwich...then a piece of cake...then a bowl of ice cream, and when I finally get a little perturbed and tell her to please just stop because, you know, we're all about to go out to eat somewhere, she'll say, "Well, that weren't nothin' but a little snack, anyway!," like a plate of potato chips, cookies, a sandwich, and three scoops of ice cream are "a snack!" :laugh:
 
TastyReuben said:
Windigo - my mom is the opposite of your folks (who sound seriously misguided, if I may say so). She wants to see people shoveling it in 24/7. :)

Typically, when I go visit my parents, I'll call them first and my mom will say, "Ok, I'll have something fixed for you when you get here," and I'll tell her, "No, please don't, because I'll be between meals."

So I'll walk in the door, and I don't care what time it is, the first thing she'll say is, "Can I fry you an egg? How about a fried egg? And some bacon, some good ol' thick bacon?"

I'll say no, thanks, go in and sit down, and five minutes later, my mom will come in with a plate of potato chips and a couple of cookies on it, something like that: "Well, here, just eat this little bit. I swear, you look sick and a little tired from that long drive!"

Before I can finish that, she'll disappear and come back with a bologna sandwich...then a piece of cake...then a bowl of ice cream, and when I finally get a little perturbed and tell her to please just stop because, you know, we're all about to go out to eat somewhere, she'll say, "Well, that weren't nothin' but a little snack, anyway!," like a plate of potato chips, cookies, a sandwich, and three scoops of ice cream are "a snack!" :laugh:
Click to expand...

Sounds like the kind of mom I am lol . I am always asking if anyone needs more even when I know they are stuffed :laugh:
 
TastyReuben said:
I think my feelings about family are probably quite different from yours, just because of the way we were raised.

In one sense, our family is not close at all. We were raised in, well, I guess you would say a somewhat detached kind of way. My parents have never been very emotional, or very demonstrative with affection, and we're still like that with each other now. Would you believe I have three siblings who live on the same side street in what would be comparable to a very small rural British village, just a few houses separate them, and they only see each other or talk during special occasions? They can literally see each others' houses from their front yards, but they just don't socialize. That's largely how my family is.

However, should one of us need something, we all help out. When my wife had her stroke several years ago, she wanted a rocking chair, and she was still in the hospital, and I couldn't get away to buy one or have one delivered, as all my time was spent at the hospital. I mentioned it in passing to my mom, and the next day, there was a brand new, fairly expensive rocking chair sat outside my door. One of my brothers bought it and drove the 70 miles to my house and dropped it off. I'm not even sure if I ever paid him for it.

But food...we grew up with so much food, because we raised all our own, including our own meat, which we raised, slaughtered, and butchered ourselves. When we all lived at home, Mom cooked for 10 people, three meals a day, every day, and every meal was a feast by today's standard. To my mom, especially, food equaled love, and that's how she showed her affection for her family. She fed and fed and fed some more.

I think a kind of funny memory I have is that our table would be so full of food, there would be no room for your plate, and there's more than one old Polaroid photo of everyone sat around the table...with plates in their laps because there was no space on the table!
Click to expand...
It makes me sad that having family physically close does not translate into emotional closeness.
Mother and three of my siblings all live within a 20 mile radius . Two brothers live out of state
Does not matter. We call and text daily. We have an ongoing family text.
George has a very dysfunctional relationship with his son. It breaks my heart. He has 3 sisters. Two are considerably older, the youngest of the two is 6 years older
His youngest sister is 7 years younger
He talks to his older sisters several times a month. He rarely speaks to his younger sister. I speak to her more frequently than he does.
It hurts my heart to hear about families who are not close. Beyond my understanding.
 
Windigo said:
Yes, most of my happy memories are centered around food. You now of course know there is a darker side to it too for me which you can read in the spoiler. my parents always had locks on the cupboards and measured all my food for years until I was out of the house. I was always underweight when I was a child, when I left home I was a bmi of 17,2 which is underweight and you could count all my ribs and my hip bones were visible.

So naturally being hungry, food was my main focus in life as a child. And when I went to visit my grandma, she would always have a big pot of meatballs just for me because I loved them. And she would feed me cake, and even let me have toast with mayo (weird I know but hunger does strange things with your brain). Looking back I realise why she said my parents were 'too strict' and that she 'needed to spoil me' and why she had a friend bring me toys who tried to get me to say my parents were hurting me. I was just still an innocent child and loved my parents and I believed they were 'just strict' and nothing abnormal. That picture is quite different in hindsight.

My parents fed me a macrobiotic diet until age 7 when the doctor said I needed to eat normally because I was anemic and undernourished. After that they went vegetarian and it was a bit better for me, but the weird food rules stayed until I lived on my own.

For me food has become a definite way to show love, I think my childhood definitely shaped my ambition to become a chef and center my life around food. My pantry is always full and I always have something ready for my friends to eat, and I spoil my loved ones with treats. My loved ones are naturally skinny as a rail and eat like wolves, so that's a nice bonus for me. I can feed them lots and they keep asking for more. One of the things I love about my husband is his genuine appreciation for my cooking and his interest in food. I definitely could not live with someone who doesn't care what's on his plate.
I have no relatives to share meals with, but I have a loving chosen family and that's great too. I hope to be a good grandmother with a bountiful table for my stepkids children.
Click to expand...
Hearing your story makes me angry. I want to reach out and touch someone .
Bless you sweet lady
You survived what no child should ever have to live with
My Father was an abusive alcoholic for all of my childhood and 2 decades of adulthood
I know about abuse
After Dad finally got sober he spent the rest of his life trying to make up for his sins.
I have ZERO tolerance for abuse in any way, shape or form.
We, his family, were able to forgive him. He was our Dad
We loved him
Sober he was an amazing man and a very loving father. I miss him
I am glad that you have found peace and a way to express your love through cooking. I do the same. I love my family through the food I cook.
 
ElizabethB said:
It hurts my heart to hear about families who are not close. Beyond my understanding.
Click to expand...

Really, it's whatever works for each family, the same as no two marriages or partnerships look the same. Except for my sister, who wishes we were more like your family, it's how we like to relate. I can go several months without seeing or communicating with one or more of my brothers, and then when I do see them, it's like I just saw them yesterday. It's a little odd, but it works for us. 🤷🏻‍♂️

ElizabethB said:
I want to reach out and touch someone .
Click to expand...
That made me laugh really hard! :)
 
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