Caregivers’ chat

JAS_OH1 said:
Alright, so nephew is home as of last night and apparently whatever is wrong with him is all self-induced
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That’s really rough, especially on his wife, because she’s probably going to feel the need to police his behavior, which can be hard, hard to do. Hopefully, he can follow the doc’s advice long enough to see some benefit and then he’ll get better from there.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
Alright, so nephew is home as of last night and apparently whatever is wrong with him is all self-induced from recent behaviors and has nothing to do with his brain injury from years ago. So when the doctors were interrogating him at the hospital, he wasn't truthful, and his wife was sitting there and called him out each time he lied about what he has been or has not been doing.
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I did wonder just because everything they were doing sounded like they believed it had a different root cause and if as you say it’s a good hospital they would have considered a neurological cause straight away.
But something made them go in a different direction.
I doubt for example he gave them any eye contact when they asked how much alcohol he’s been drinking, patients tend to give themselves away even when they don’t tell the truth.

Hope it settles down soon, it’s been a bumpy ride!
 
Kinda caregiver subject.
HUGE DECISION by me.
I live in a 2 story house. I along with my son and a friend who is s builder built upstairs when son was 15. Huge lounge and master bedroom with en suite.
My balance is not good atm. Especially when carrying booze upstairs.
Wifes been nagging me for years. I finally gave in few days ago.looking for a quiet cul de sac within 5 mins drive.
Still want 3 bedroom just no stairs. We should make a 100k profit from down sizing.?? Weve been here 35 years. I really love this house but I have to give in.
Kids are happy as well.
Will put on market this spring ( sept/ oct)

Russ
 
rascal said:
Kinda caregiver subject.
HUGE DECISION by me.
I live in a 2 story house. I along with my son and a friend who is s builder built upstairs when son was 15. Huge lounge and master bedroom with en suite.
My balance is not good atm. Especially when carrying booze upstairs.
Wifes been nagging me for years. I finally gave in few days ago.looking for a quiet cul de sac within 5 mins drive.
Still want 3 bedroom just no stairs. We should make a 100k profit from down sizing.?? Weve been here 35 years. I really love this house but I have to give in.
Kids are happy as well.
Will put on market this spring ( sept/ oct)

Russ
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That's a good move. As you get older, more of a chance of you or the missus falling down the stairs. I hope you find something you like quite a bit. I know it's hard when you love your home but it's really a great plan.

We are going to have to downsize and find a single level home in about 10-15 years. As it is now, I am glad I put my foot down and said no when hubby wanted to put the laundry room in the basement when we first added on to our house (20 years ago) with our master bedroom, new kitchen, dining room, garage, and upstairs rooms--I insisted he have a laundry closet built into the garage. So much easier on me, I have my mother's hips and on wet cold days my left hip aches a bit. I can't even imagine lugging loads of laundry up and down those stairs! He suggested initially a laundry chute, but still got to get them back up the stairs.
 
rascal said:
Kinda caregiver subject.
HUGE DECISION by me.
I live in a 2 story house. I along with my son and a friend who is s builder built upstairs when son was 15. Huge lounge and master bedroom with en suite.
My balance is not good atm. Especially when carrying booze upstairs.
Wifes been nagging me for years. I finally gave in few days ago.looking for a quiet cul de sac within 5 mins drive.
Still want 3 bedroom just no stairs. We should make a 100k profit from down sizing.?? Weve been here 35 years. I really love this house but I have to give in.
Kids are happy as well.
Will put on market this spring ( sept/ oct)

Russ
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It's hard to make the decision to downsize and, I'll be honest, it is an absolute B!TCH to clean out a house that you have lived in for many, many years. But, it was a huge relief not to have to deal with stairs anymore, and I couldn't climb a whole flight of stairs now if my life depended on it, I'd have to crawl up or down with rest breaks. All I can say is, if you can afford it, buy your next home and wait at least a month before closing on your old home. We did 2 weeks and it wasn't enough. Craig took off a whole week and I only worked part-time from home those 2 weeks, and we were both absolutely exhausted, and that was over 10 years ago. Also, don't try to do it all yourself, get help from your kids and/or hire someone(s) to help.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
That's a good move. As you get older, more of a chance of you or the missus falling down the stairs. I hope you find something you like quite a bit. I know it's hard when you love your home but it's really a great plan.

We are going to have to downsize and find a single level home in about 10-15 years. As it is now, I am glad I put my foot down and said no when hubby wanted to put the laundry room in the basement when we first added on to our house (20 years ago) with our master bedroom, new kitchen, dining room, garage, and upstairs rooms--I insisted he have a laundry closet built into the garage. So much easier on me, I have my mother's hips and on wet cold days my left hip aches a bit. I can't even imagine lugging loads of laundry up and down those stairs! He suggested initially a laundry chute, but still got to get them back up the stairs.
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We have 6 months to clear out the garage first. I'll get a skip in and I know the kids will help
It sucks getting older lol
Russ
 
medtran49 said:
It's hard to make the decision to downsize and, I'll be honest, it is an absolute B!TCH to clean out a house that you have lived in for many, many years. But, it was a huge relief not to have to deal with stairs anymore, and I couldn't climb a whole flight of stairs now if my life depended on it, I'd have to crawl up or down with rest breaks. All I can say is, if you can afford it, buy your next home and wait at least a month before closing on your old home. We did 2 weeks and it wasn't enough. Craig took off a whole week and I only worked part-time from home those 2 weeks, and we were both absolutely exhausted, and that was over 10 years ago. Also, don't try to do it all yourself, get help from your kids and/or hire someone(s) to help.
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My wifes ok with stairs as she doesn't drink. I will leave it with plenty of room to sell after buying
When we saw our current house 40 years ago she refused to move here
I signed off on it and said you either vpmr or not.
She came. She couldn't envisage what I could see. I pulled a wall out and put French doors in
.then did the kitchen up
THEN SHE LOVED IT. Just couldn't see ahead.then 3 years later I built up.
Be sorry to see her go.i hope a young family get it and enjoy it as much as we have.

Russ
 
rascal said:
My wifes ok with stairs as she doesn't drink. I will leave it with plenty of room to sell after buying
When we saw our current house 40 years ago she refused to move here
I signed off on it and said you either vpmr or not.
She came. She couldn't envisage what I could see. I pulled a wall out and put French doors in
.then did the kitchen up
THEN SHE LOVED IT. Just couldn't see ahead.then 3 years later I built up.
Be sorry to see her go.i hope a young family get it and enjoy it as much as we have.

Russ
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All I'll say is arthritis!
 
I dunno. I'm torn on it. If you really love it, it's huge and there's room for a lift (elevator) then do that and stay.

But there are so many other factors to consider.
Such as you are extremely unlikely to feel safe driving your entire life, when that time comes invariably it's a bit of a killer if you don't live close to the facilities you regularly use.
Preferably within walking distance, even if you don't want to walk the taxi fares will feel acceptable.
Alternatively being on a well established (ie popular so won't get cut) bus route is very useful. Might be the furthest thing from your mind now but having that option available can be a huge boon.

If you are moving it is best done long before it is needed while you are still fit and willing to get to know the area. It makes a huge difference knowing where things are, getting to know your neighbours and still being able to socialise. A lot of people leave doing this until far too late and can end up feeling isolated.

I'm not saying for a moment you're anywhere near not being able to do these things (and may never be) just that moves are best made long before they are really needed.

My mums husband didn't want to move, so they put a lift in. Then later they did a ground floor extension. It all worked swimmingly for him, he died in the place he'd lived for 50 years.
But my mum even with those things in place won't be able to stay there much longer, she should have moved three or four years ago, she's missed the boat and now when it happens it's not going to be one bit of fun for her (or us). Horses for courses I suppose.
 
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SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
I dunno. I'm torn on it. If you really love it, it's huge and there's room for a lift (elevator) then do that and stay.

But there are so many other factors to consider.
Such as you are extremely unlikely to feel safe driving your entire life, when that time comes invariably it's a bit of a killer if you don't live close to the facilities you regularly use.
Preferably within walking distance, even if you don't want to walk the taxi fares will feel acceptable.
Alternatively being on a well establish (ie popular so won't get cut) bus route is very useful. Might be the furthest thing from your mind now but having that option available can be a huge boon.

If you are moving it is best done long before it is needed while you are still fit and willing to get to know the area. It makes a huge difference knowing where things are, getting to know your neighbours and still being able to socialise. A lot of people leave doing this until far too late and can end up feeling isolated.

I'm not saying for a moment you're anywhere near not being able to do these things (and may never be) just that moves are best made long before they are really needed.

My mums husband didn't want to move, so they put a lift in. Then later they did a ground floor extension. It all worked swimmingly for him, he died in the place he'd lived for 50 years.
But my mum even with those things in place won't be able to stay there much longer, she should have moved three or four years ago, she's missed the boat and now when it happens it's not going to be one bit of fun for her (or us). Horses for courses I suppose.
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I raised the idea of a lift. Big no here

Russ
 
Hey, JAS_OH1, that's a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you, especially as it's not even your son/daughter, but a nephew - and so young. However, it sounds like someone, somewhere has got to convince him that he needs to see a neurologist, a psychiatrist and probably a few others as well. It's either a bloke in denial, or a macho thing, or a "I can manage this"thing - but it sounds serious. How to convince a 30 year old? Can't help there, really. What you've done is great, just absolutely great.
When I arrived in the UK in 2022, my younger brother (who was then 65) was wobbling around, supported by two walking sticks, with bothe ankles and feet swollen. I said : "HEY! What does the doctor say about this? You can't just wobble around and think everything is ok"?
The first reaction was submission (The doctors said there's nothing to be done). The second reaction was frustration (I call the clinic and they don't answer, so I just gave up). The third reaction was mine - I went down to the clinic at 8am the following morning, exaggerated the situation (only a little bit) and by 8.20am, the doc had called and scheduled tests at a major hospital, physio and rehabilitation.
To cut a long story short, I kept bugging him and kept snapping at the NHS. One night he had a crisis (not sure whether it was blood clots, but he was screaming in pain) and we spent 24 hours in a ER until I finally managed to get someone to take some serious action.
The last Hospital visit I got him into was with the top Neurological doctor in King's College hospital, London. The doctor was utterly clinical, extremely sympathetic and incredibly practical. My brother's last 3 months on earth were at least painless.
 
karadekoolaid said:
Hey, JAS_OH1, that's a terrible situation. My heart goes out to you, especially as it's not even your son/daughter, but a nephew - and so young. However, it sounds like someone, somewhere has got to convince him that he needs to see a neurologist, a psychiatrist and probably a few others as well. It's either a bloke in denial, or a macho thing, or a "I can manage this"thing - but it sounds serious. How to convince a 30 year old? Can't help there, really. What you've done is great, just absolutely great.
When I arrived in the UK in 2022, my younger brother (who was then 65) was wobbling around, supported by two walking sticks, with bothe ankles and feet swollen. I said : "HEY! What does the doctor say about this? You can't just wobble around and think everything is ok"?
The first reaction was submission (The doctors said there's nothing to be done). The second reaction was frustration (I call the clinic and they don't answer, so I just gave up). The third reaction was mine - I went down to the clinic at 8am the following morning, exaggerated the situation (only a little bit) and by 8.20am, the doc had called and scheduled tests at a major hospital, physio and rehabilitation.
To cut a long story short, I kept bugging him and kept snapping at the NHS. One night he had a crisis (not sure whether it was blood clots, but he was screaming in pain) and we spent 24 hours in a ER until I finally managed to get someone to take some serious action.
The last Hospital visit I got him into was with the top Neurological doctor in King's College hospital, London. The doctor was utterly clinical, extremely sympathetic and incredibly practical. My brother's last 3 months on earth were at least painless.
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Thank you. He's my husband's nephew--the only child of my DH'S miserable, drug-addled, narcissistic brother who was obviously a horrible parent, but nephew is like a son to me. He was constantly being dumped off at our house ever since he was about 8 years old and I bonded with him and nurtured him best I could, but he had a traumatic childhood all the same. Poor kid's mother was just as bad (she's in jail again). He has nothing to do with either of them.

So nephew rose above his circumstances and served his country with honor, and more importantly, became a wonderful father and husband. But he's seen some horrible things both in his childhood and during his military career. He is on medication but does need more psychiatric help. He's doing better but it's still a long road ahead.
 
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