Caregivers deserve more respect for the work they do. I had private health insurance for 30 years and never used it or claimed. However my wife and kids benefited from it. A lot!!
Russ
This is SO true. I endured a hell-on-wheels caregiver for over a year. I'm not prone to migraines but had one every time she left for the day. She talked loud, she slammed cabinets and doors, she was abrasive (actually rude and obnoxious), nasty (OMG, I have NO doubts that her kids would be taken if anybody ever saw her vehicle or house). She would tell me almost every day that what I was wearing was ugly. She also gossiped about me to my neighbors when going to check my mail. She stole money and a piece of jewelry and some gender-specific things I bought for my kids (she also had a boy and a girl). Very, very abrasive personality. Two different store managers told me that they would not allow her in their store because of how she talked to me. Three of my doctors literally kicked her out of the examine room (I took her in because I have a thing about being touched because of my abusive family). One even threatened to report her to the police.
I have no idea why I put up with it other than I didn't really know that I had a choice. I have PTSD really bad and she triggered it constantly. I'm a very patient person and I tried talking to her several times. One day, she snapped at me and I called her on it. She pretended like I wasn't even standing there. That was it. I told her to get my phone, clock out and get out. She begged me to give her another chance but that was about the 8th second chance I had already given her. If you met her, you would swear she was raised in the wilderness. NO social skills, no gratitude, no effort to even TRY to be halfway human. Remember the Tasmanian Devil cartoon? Imagine that. Ugh. It gives me a headache just thinking about her.
As a result, I was left without any help for almost three months. During that time, I had to cancel all my doctor's appointments (I had a vehicle but I was having problems with passing out and didn't want to endanger anybody else on the roads or passengers). I fell and herniated three discs in my back (bonus though - the paramedic that had to hold me steady for the back and neck brace was OMG. I was literally sobbing and screaming but still noticed. Hubby didn't kill the woman in me after all. ;-)
So, I had various caregivers that could only do fill-ins. This meant that they would come one time when they had openings in their regular schedules. One woman came as a fill-in and took me grocery shopping. She opened her passenger door for me, pulled the seat belt and handed it to me. Coming back, she parked in the fire lane to let me out and unloaded my groceries by herself even though I was capable of helping. She organized everything on my counters because she didn't know where to put things. Upon leaving, she told me that she is available most Friday afternoons as that was her only option. I didn't know it at the time but I fell in love with her. No other fill-in came close to her. I don't mean that to sound ungrateful as I appreciate anyone willing to help me because I know I would be in assisted living because my family sucks and my ex is still in his midlife crisis.
Then one day, I got the call about a month later. Her supervisor wanted to know if I would allow her to come back. I agreed. She came back and we got to know one another. She was also divorced after decades of marriage, had two kids also, a boy and a girl (hers are adults) and was abused by her father. I was abused by both my parents but we connected on that. The day that I knew she was "the One"...I was sitting on the bathroom floor crying. I already have a ton of GI issues and I get sick when I cry that hard. Normally, I'm up and interactive but I just couldn't that day. I cry over my children all the time but most days I hold it together. That day, I couldn't. I didn't have it in me to put on the happy face. She came in the bathroom, sat on the floor and just held me. She didn't pry. She didn't tell me to shut up. She didn't try to rush me through my tears. She just held me in silence.
She's been with me for 20 months now and I have no doubt that I would be lost without her. She checks on me on weekends. She bought me a teddy bear to keep me company when she's not here (I still had my first teddy bear that my grandma gave me but my husband took everything I owned so it's all gone. She didn't know that though). She will pick up things she knows I like if she's out. Back in November, when I tested positive for COVID, I had to quarantine for 14 days. She came and got my debit card and went shopping for me, picked up my prescriptions and left everything outside my door. She even took the time to bag the groceries in proper groups so it would be easy for me to put them away (ie all freezer stuff, all fridge, all pantry).
Just today, I wasn't feeling well. I was holding back the tears but she knew I was in pain. Like so many times before, she pulled over a chair, sat next to me and just rubbed my back as the pain rushed through my body. I never have to ask her to do things (like I did with the Tasmania devil). She just finds the gaps and fills them. For example, I sometimes forget what food I have. She makes a list of the fridge and freezer contents for me so I know what I have. We live in a small town so our food options are limited. She will pick up some of my favorites when she travels outside our town just because she knows I like something we can't get here. She helps me with showers and brushes my hair for me when I'm too fatigued to do it. She helps me cook so I have meals I just have to reheat. I won't cook without someone here because I collapsed while cooking some chicken and the paramedics had to come in to resuscitate me. I won't put my neighbors at risk by cooking or using the oven unless someone is here.
I could go on and on and on. She's an angel. Last year, she was given a raise because of her exemplary client satisfaction. She deserves every penny of it. I may not have lucked up in the parent, in-laws or husband departments, but I have a pure angel here taking care of me 5 days a week (and she will come to me if I need her on weekends). And, that first meeting wasn't just an act. She still holds the door and seat belt for me.
And, my crazy family wants me to fire her, give up my apartment and come back there. There is no way in he!! that's going to happen. They will NEVER get the chance to beat on me and throw me on the streets again.
I guess that was a long road to travel to "I totally agree with you, Russ!" LOL
