Retirement plans

[Morning Glory]

Such a great pack of advices.
Why, if I may ask, is getting married beneficial? And why you thought it was not?
I am divorced, but pro marriage. My boyfriend is divorced, and semi clear on pro or against marrying again. I said loud and clear I want to be a wife again some day. He said,you will be, but it will take several years. That was 1,5 y ago.

Me - I'm the opposite. There are no particular benefits to being married in the UK unless you are very wealthy (in which case spouse doesn't get hit with tax on inheritance if you die). For me there are no benefits whatever and I hate it as an institution. Historically, it has been responsible for all sorts of extreme inequalities and barbaric practices where women are concerned. In fact it still is, in many cultures and in some religions. I'm ashamed that I live in a world where that is the case.

The way I see it is that if you love someone you really shouldn't need a legal document to prove it.

 

[LissaC]

Me - I'm the opposite. There are no particular benefits to being married in the UK unless you are very wealthy (in which case spouse doesn't get hit with tax on inheritance if you die). For me there are no benefits whatever and I hate it as an institution. Historically, it has been responsible for all sorts of extreme inequalities and barbaric practices where women are concerned. In fact it still is, in many cultures and in some religions. I'm ashamed that I live in a world where that is the case.

The way I see it is that if you love someone you really shouldn't need a legal document to prove it.

Agrees. I'd still like to get married just for the party though. I want to wear a princess dress at least once in my life

 

[TastyReuben]

Both MrsT and I are fundamentally opposed to marriage, for us, even though we're married. That's because when we married, I was military at the time, and without getting into all the dozens of reasons why, it made sense to get married at the time.

That's a huge issue with both of us - that the system/society is so slanted toward encouraging mandating marriage, it sometimes feels like there's no other option, unless you want to pay a literal fortune for the desire to live together but unmarried.

 

[LissaC]

I had a housemate who got married because she was pregnant, she and the boyfriend were building a house together and they wanted to make things easier for each other and their daughter should something bad ever happen to either one of them, but they didn't care about marriage at all. One day in their lunchtime they went to the consetvatory and got married meaning they basically signed the papers and that was it. Even the guy who married them was surprised they didn't even have wedding rings

 

[rascal]

I had a housemate who got married because she was pregnant, she and the boyfriend were building a house together and they wanted to make things easier for each other and their daughter should something bad ever happen to either one of them, but they didn't care about marriage at all. One day in their lunchtime they went to the consetvatory and got married meaning they basically signed the papers and that was it. Even the guy who married them was surprised they didn't even have wedding rings

I got my wife pregnant when she was 14 ( she lied ) had out eldest at 15, ( remember it the 70s) married 2 years later, still together, marriage was a stigma to my family, and honour to the girl. Her mother and I got on really well, she even came with us on holiday.
With marriage we also have wills with enduring power of attorney. That’s where the surviving person gets access to the other partners straight away, we both get the same, with kids as executors after we pass, to leave our assets to our kids and our grandkids.

Russ

 

[Timenspace]

The way I see it is that if you love someone you really shouldn't need a legal

I absolutely respect your standpoint.

 

[Timenspace]

Marriage does make a couple things easier. It's only a hassle if you ever decide to divorce.

I believe here, living for 3 y at a same household makes the couple's status become equal to marriage, even if they never signed. Interesting that there are 3 types. I am unsure if there are those here.
What I find a good idea is a orenuptial agreement. Thus any inheritance or other property, posessions issues can be tackled upfront.

I might have had a good lawyer, but divorcing was legally simple, a breeze. Emotionally , very difficult, but not on paper.

I don't know how my bf divorced, maybe scars there, but it does not seem to be an issue.

I am thinking more of the old age, and being together...helping each other out...once covid is away or tamed, hospital visits are as far as I know allowed to family only. Not that I wish hospital on horizon for either, but you kniw, life...

It is romantic too,yes, and it makes it real serious. Not that it is not without, but, my perception.

 

[MrsDangermouse]

There are no particular benefits to being married in the UK unless you are very wealthy (in which case spouse doesn't get hit with tax on inheritance if you die).

That's not quite accurate...particularly when it comes to pensions. I don't know if you are aware, but if you're married (or in a civil partnership) when one partner dies the other one can inherit some of their state pension, which isn't the case for co-habiting couples. Private/occupational pensions will have their own rules...some treat co-habiting partners the same as spouses, but others don't.


We haven't made any real retirement plans yet and sadly our idea of either moving to Europe or just travelling around for half the year is now much more complicated (due to Brexit). I started saving for my pension when I started my first job, I make additional contributions every month and sometimes sacrifice a portion of my bonus into it too. I'm not confident there'll be much of a state pension left by the time I retire, and I want to make sure we can afford to enjoy ourselves. Unfortunately hubby didn't start saving for his pension until he was in his late 30s, so it looks like he's going to have to work longer to build up a big enough pot. We both need to keep working until the house is paid off, but after that is sorted we'll need to review where we are and what we can afford to do.

 

[Morning Glory]

I don't know if you are aware, but if you're married (or in a civil partnership) when one partner dies the other one can inherit some of their state pension, which isn't the case for co-habiting couples.

The rules have changed I think. Those rules only apply to those reaching pension age before 2016 (there are lots of other riders to that). Looking at the detail, neither of us would have benefited anyway.

 

[Yorky]

The rules have changed I think. Those rules only apply to those reaching pension age before 2016 (there are lots of other riders to that). Looking at the detail, neither of us would have benefited anyway.

No benefits whatsoever to either widow or widower or offsprings now from your old age pension. It dies with you. Regarding company or private pensions, in many cases the spouse is entitled to 50% of the pension but this is reduced incrementally in line with the difference in ages of the couple. As far as I am aware, being legally married or not does not affect this.

United Kingdom rules.

 

[ElizabethB]

We have both been married before. There are legal and financial considerations. As a married couple we have the equivalent of a medical power of attorney for each other. We also have final say on burial/cremation. The biggest consideration is financial. Louisiana is a community property state so marriage saves a lot in taxes for the surviving spouse. If I am the surviving spouse I can collect his Social Security instead of mine - $1,500 a month more than my social Security. We will also meet with an estate planner. The house is in G's name so he will have to donate it to the community. We also want to specify what goes to his son. If G dies before I do not need to deal with any contest of his will which would happen if we were not married.
So lots of legal and financial reasons.
The biggest reason is that we love each other and want to die as husband and wife.

 

[rascal]

We have both been married before. There are legal and financial considerations. As a married couple we have the equivalent of a medical power of attorney for each other. We also have final say on burial/cremation. The biggest consideration is financial. Louisiana is a community property state so marriage saves a lot in taxes for the surviving spouse. If I am the surviving spouse I can collect his Social Security instead of mine - $1,500 a month more than my social Security. We will also meet with an estate planner. The house is in G's name so he will have to donate it to the community. We also want to specify what goes to his son. If G dies before I do not need to deal with any contest of his will which would happen if we were not married.
So lots of legal and financial reasons.
The biggest reason is that we love each other and want to die as husband and wife.

You do have to be careful, my friend and I have been talking, his eldest son is a p.o.s and he’s leaving to his other son who treats him well. He will be the executor. eldest son has already fleeced him of 30k

Russ

 

[ElizabethB]

Fortunately G has only one child and two grandchildren.

 

[Wyshiepoo]

Such a great pack of advices.
Why, if I may ask, is getting married beneficial? And why you thought it was not?
I am divorced, but pro marriage. My boyfriend is divorced, and semi clear on pro or against marrying again. I said loud and clear I want to be a wife again some day. He said,you will be, but it will take several years. That was 1,5 y ago.

Several months ago he said, he might get married again if all lines up.

I still expect a real eye to eye talk with him on the matter.

Not to get me wrong,I do value high quality relationships foremost,regardless certified or not, but I think we live in a world of laws and norms...so I am curious to hear your view.
Thank you.

Don't know that it is important in general. But it was quite important to me, although I'd given up any hope of being married or in a relationship and thought I'd be like the bachelor uncle in Swallows and Amazons. Great fun for nieces and nephews but essentially a lonely man.
I'm quite ugly (although I think I kinda 'grew into my skin' from my mid to late twenties) and I had a very lonely time (regarding female companionship) during my teens through to my mid 20s. I was fairly despondent during this time, all I wanted was somebody to hold and to love. It wasn't for want of trying, I got burned down every time, even managed to get laughed at once when asking a girl out. Another time I asked a girl out, got turned down flat and the very next night my mate (he didn't know I'd asked her out) gleefully described what he'd just been doing to this girl in the back seat of his car.
I was so confused and hurt by this time I just withdrew into myself. I even wondered if I was secretly gay but nobody had forwarded me the memo.
But I still hoped one girl would look past my exterior and like me, and maybe I'd get married one day.
I had a couple of drunken fumbles of which I remember very little, and one weird set of circumstances that aren't appropriate for this forum.
Flash forward a few years, very late twenties, got invited to a Christmas party, met Mrs Wysh and bam that was all she wrote. I was inexperienced and not used to relationship stuff but took to it like a duck to water.
When we were pregnant for our second we said "crumbs, we'd better get married".
Looking back now my struggles then seem so inconsequential and silly. Looking back now with a woman I love, four children and six grandchildren it was worth it to me.
There is a lot of truth in the saying "the past is a different country, they do things differently there.

 

[PabloLerntKochen]

Retirement plans are really fascinating. The older generation told me to start as early as possible and this year I'm doing it. One big part of my savings will be invested in the stock market and another big part will go into the house of my mother. 40 years to go, as I'm 27 right now and I'm optimistic, yes it almost makes me happy to have one more goal to reach in live