Ok, do you have your seatbelt fastened, because here’s how that goes around here:
Well crap, this takes 9 hours in the crockpot, I don’t have time for that! Let me just find a regular oven one…<drags out cookbooks, checking each one for recipes for beef burgundy>…
<Two hours later…>
This one uses flour as a thickener, but the other one calls for tapioca and I bought that, so I’d rather use what I bought…and this other one uses porcini mushrooms and this other one uses a mushroom mix and that other one uses white mushrooms, so I guess I’ll have to sub in the ones I have.
This recipe says to cook the aromatics as part of the sauce, that one says to put them in cheesecloth…this one calls for salt pork, that one for bacon, that other one for smoked bacon, and that other other one says whatever you do,
don’t use smoked bacon, so I think I’m going to have to figure out what bits of each of these four recipes I can use and combine into one recipe that uses the ingredients I bought, and the method that doesn’t take 9 hours, let me just get some paper and write this out, or I’m going to get lost bouncing back and forth between them…
<Another hour goes by>
Ok, I think I’ve got it <starts cooking, and being my normal slow self, the prep alone takes me an hour, and I still find my usual roadblocks, like the frozen bacon, etc>…great, everything’s in the Dutch oven, let me just pop it in the low oven for a couple of hours…right now it’s…5:30PM! That’s when we normally eat! This isn’t going to be done until 7:30PM-8PM! Guess we’re having it tomorrow anyway.
But wait, there’s more:
<Next day, reheating and finishing the dish>
Me: You know this is pretty good!
<Little voice in the back of my head:> It would have been better if you hadn’t mashed together four recipes. You should have just stuck to the one. It didn’t save you any time anyway.
Me: Well…I thought it was pretty good, but maybe you’re right, these mushrooms seem to be clashing with the wine, because they’re from two different recipes.
<Little voice:> That’s exactly right. I don’t even know how you’re managing to eat that Frankenstein of a mess you call beef burgundy. It’s a travesty.
MrsT: Hey, this is fantastic! You really need to save this. What do you think?
Me: I can’t stand it. It’s the worst thing I’ve ever eaten. I think I’m going to be sick.
And that’s how my brain works.