Duck59
Guru
- Joined
- 23 Apr 2015
- Local time
- 8:22 AM
- Messages
- 3,149
- Location
- Fife, Scotland
- Website
- duckholiday.com
Was he connected to the Institute of Thighbone?
Hear the word of the Lord!
Was he connected to the Institute of Thighbone?
............I hate the self serve things..........
Warning issued after teetotal vegan non-smoker bores himself to death
Fresh concerns have been raised over the safety of healthy lifestyles after a study found that people following them invariably die eventually anyway.
A team of scientists from Rochdale’s Community University found that people who ate fruit, went for a jog, didn’t smoke and drank no alcohol were exactly as likely to die as chain smoking drunks and fatties.
“The findings are worrying.” One researcher told the Rochdale Herald. “In one extreme case a bloke died of a boredom induced cardiac arrest just talking about how little alcohol he drank, how he had never even tried a cigarette and the benefits of a meat free diet.”
“Pretty much everything is bad for you, or good for you depending upon which day you’re reading the news. Last year butter was bad for you and this year it’s good for you.”
“I research this stuff and I’m pretty bored by it all. Fortunately I smoke twenty a day and I’m rarely sober, I’m taking no chances.”
PADDY'S LAST WILL
Paddy was on his deathbed and knew the end was near.
His nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons are with him at his home in Belfast.
He asks for 2 independent witnesses to be present and a camcorder be in place to record his last wishes.
When all is ready he begins to speak:
"My son Seamus, I want you to take the houses in Cultra."
"My daughter Geraldine, you take the apartments over in Malone Road."
"My son Patrick Junior, I want you to take the offices in the City centre."
"Bridget, my dear wife, please take all the residential properties on the Upper Lisburn Road ."
The nurse and witnesses are blown away. They did not realise the extent of Paddy's wealth. As he slips away, the nurse says to his wife, " Mrs O'Shaughnessy, my deepest condolences. Your husband must have been such a hard-working and wonderful man to have accumulated all this property"..
"Property?”, his wife replies. “He was a bloody window cleaner!"