Caregivers’ chat

Well we had quite the ordeal past few days. Friday hubby went to take care of his mom and stepdad and I went over to my nephew's (age 30, ex-marine) house to help him make meatballs for his wife's baby shower Saturday for 30+ guests (she's 7 months pregnant). His 2 kids (9 and 11) got dropped off by his ex-wife at 6 and we commenced to mixing and making meatballs (11 pounds of meat and mixture). I noticed when I arrived that he seemed off and asked him what was wrong. He said he was just tired and had a long day, so I didn't pry or press him.

My oldest daughter (34) and her 2 little ones (ages 1 and 4) had traveled 2-hours Friday early evening to help with the party and were staying at my youngest daughter's house a few miles from my nephew's house. They decided to come visit for a bit to my nephew's house. When my oldest daughter got there with her kids, we took a break and ordered some Door Dash takeout food. We were waiting for the food to come when my nephew had an episode and collapsed in the kitchen from what we found out today was possibly a seizure (they aren't sure yet). My nephew had suffered a head injury during one of his tours in the middle east during his military career and has PTSD, and also has been on some new medication over the past few weeks. I then found out this had happened 4 times over the past week and this past Tuesday he had visited the ER, where they did blood work and took his vitals but no extensive testing. They found nothing wrong and dismissively let him go. He didn't tell us and made his wife swear not to say anything.

So Friday night after the episode, my daughter took nephew's kids over to my other daughter's house for the night because the kids were terribly upset. And nephew refused to go to the emergency room, so I stayed until 11 rolling and baking meatballs, insisting that he do nothing, which he was quite grumpy about. Got it all done and in the frig, packed and ready to go for the party.

Well after I left Friday night, he apparently had another episode, and another Saturday morning, so his wife took him back to the ER. That was around 11 a.m. She called me when they were on their way and was freaking out. My husband had to go to his mom and stepdad's to care for them this morning and I was getting things ready for the baby shower (4:30 p.m.). I could hear my irate nephew going on and on in the background about how he didn't want to go to the ER, he was fine, he didn't want to screw up the party, etc. His wife was in tears and I told her to just get him there and I would be down as soon as I could. I suggested that we cancel the party--that we would take care of it, and she sounded so relieved.

I got my oldest daughter on it and she sent out the cancellation notice to all of the guests. I let my nephew's wife know it was cancelled, and she said my nephew was terribly upset and he wanted to be out of there by 2 so he could get things together and get down to the Italian-American club my husband and I had rented to set things up. His wife kept telling him it was cancelled but it just wasn't registering. This was horrible stress and I was so concerned about my nephew's wife possibly going into premature labor. My nephew was insisting he wasn't going to let them admit him, they wanted to do extensive testing and he wanted no part of it, so I had to enlist the help of a younger cousin he is close with to call him and talk some sense into him. That worked, but nephew was still terribly angry. He finally relinquished and allowed them to admit him into the hospital for testing and observation.

I got to the hospital and had brought nephew's wife some veggies and dip (she has gestational diabetes and has to be careful about what she eats) and she scarfed it down. I then went to their house and let their dogs out and fed them, went to my daughter's house to check on the kids, went back to my house to pick up my husband and dinner food, went back to my daughter's house and we fed her and the kids, and it just seemed like the longest day...nephew's wife finally got my nephew into a room and he is going through extensive testing tomorrow and Monday most likely to see if they can figure out what's going on. The doctor is pretty sure it is something to do with a previous brain trauma. I offerd to stay with my nephew's wife but she just wanted to be alone and sleep. I will be back up to the hospital in the morning and hubby will go over to his mom and stepdad's again.

I am glad I didn't schedule any work for the near future.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
Well we had quite the ordeal past few days. Friday hubby went to take care of his mom and stepdad and I went over to my nephew's (age 30, ex-marine) house to help him make meatballs for his wife's baby shower Saturday for 30+ guests (she's 7 months pregnant). His 2 kids (9 and 11) got dropped off by his ex-wife at 6 and we commenced to mixing and making meatballs (11 pounds of meat and mixture). I noticed when I arrived that he seemed off and asked him what was wrong. He said he was just tired and had a long day, so I didn't pry or press him.

My oldest daughter (34) and her 2 little ones (ages 1 and 4) had traveled 2-hours Friday early evening to help with the party and were staying at my youngest daughter's house a few miles from my nephew's house. They decided to come visit for a bit to my nephew's house. When my oldest daughter got there with her kids, we took a break and ordered some Door Dash takeout food. We were waiting for the food to come when my nephew had an episode and collapsed in the kitchen from what we found out today was possibly a seizure (they aren't sure yet). My nephew had suffered a head injury during one of his tours in the middle east during his military career and has PTSD, and also has been on some new medication over the past few weeks. I then found out this had happened 4 times over the past week and this past Tuesday he had visited the ER, where they did blood work and took his vitals but no extensive testing. They found nothing wrong and dismissively let him go. He didn't tell us and made his wife swear not to say anything.

So Friday night after the episode, my daughter took nephew's kids over to my other daughter's house for the night because the kids were terribly upset. And nephew refused to go to the emergency room, so I stayed until 11 rolling and baking meatballs, insisting that he do nothing, which he was quite grumpy about. Got it all done and in the frig, packed and ready to go for the party.

Well after I left Friday night, he apparently had another episode, and another Saturday morning, so his wife took him back to the ER. That was around 11 a.m. She called me when they were on their way and was freaking out. My husband had to go to his mom and stepdad's to care for them this morning and I was getting things ready for the baby shower (4:30 p.m.). I could hear my irate nephew going on and on in the background about how he didn't want to go to the ER, he was fine, he didn't want to screw up the party, etc. His wife was in tears and I told her to just get him there and I would be down as soon as I could. I suggested that we cancel the party--that we would take care of it, and she sounded so relieved.

I got my oldest daughter on it and she sent out the cancellation notice to all of the guests. I let my nephew's wife know it was cancelled, and she said my nephew was terribly upset and he wanted to be out of there by 2 so he could get things together and get down to the Italian-American club my husband and I had rented to set things up. His wife kept telling him it was cancelled but it just wasn't registering. This was horrible stress and I was so concerned about my nephew's wife possibly going into premature labor. My nephew was insisting he wasn't going to let them admit him, they wanted to do extensive testing and he wanted no part of it, so I had to enlist the help of a younger cousin he is close with to call him and talk some sense into him. That worked, but nephew was still terribly angry. He finally relinquished and allowed them to admit him into the hospital for testing and observation.

I got to the hospital and had brought nephew's wife some veggies and dip (she has gestational diabetes and has to be careful about what she eats) and she scarfed it down. I then went to their house and let their dogs out and fed them, went to my daughter's house to check on the kids, went back to my house to pick up my husband and dinner food, went back to my daughter's house and we fed her and the kids, and it just seemed like the longest day...nephew's wife finally got my nephew into a room and he is going through extensive testing tomorrow and Monday most likely to see if they can figure out what's going on. The doctor is pretty sure it is something to do with a previous brain trauma. I offerd to stay with my nephew's wife but she just wanted to be alone and sleep. I will be back up to the hospital in the morning and hubby will go over to his mom and stepdad's again.

I am glad I didn't schedule any work for the near future.
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Bl**dy hell. Thats awful. Four episodes in a week and he was discharged? Thats outrageous.
That is a level of danger that I won’t go into because it’s frightening but for them to do nothing is unbelievable.
Unless perhaps they weren’t aware of all the episodes, some patients do hide or downplay their symptoms 🤷‍♀️
Hope you’re ok.
You have I think done a brilliant job and if the sh8t was hitting the fan I’d be very happy to have you on my side.
Hope it’s just a simple case of finding the right meds and everything settles down soon, a very stressful situation to have to deal with for everyone, especially your nephews wife.
Fingers crossed, everything crossed it settles down soon.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
Well we had quite the ordeal past few days.
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Wow, everyone there is dealing with a lot right now. They’re very lucky to have a level head in there keeping things going and sort of running point on everything.

I’m hoping they’re able to get to the bottom of it and figure it out soon. Just in and out of ER’s is debilitating on its own. Good luck to him, and all of you, and just think, you’ve got most of the work done for a kickass party once they get all this straightened out.
 
I'm about to go down there and raise bloody hell. I figured I'd be going down this afternoon because certainly they'd keep him until Monday. Nope, my nephew's wife just texted me that the cardiologist said he thinks it's blood pressure issues brought on by stress and he can likely go home today. My nephew has not seen a neurologist. He hasn't had an MRI at either hospital visit.

If they release him and he has another episode, he's going to end up right back there again which is too much stress for his wife. And what if this happens when he's holding the baby after she's born? Or while driving?

I told his wife to get aggressive and pushy and I'll get down there soon. Argggh.
 
JAS_OH1 said:
Well we had quite the ordeal past few days. Friday hubby went to take care of his mom and stepdad and I went over to my nephew's (age 30, ex-marine) house to help him make meatballs for his wife's baby shower Saturday for 30+ guests (she's 7 months pregnant). His 2 kids (9 and 11) got dropped off by his ex-wife at 6 and we commenced to mixing and making meatballs (11 pounds of meat and mixture). I noticed when I arrived that he seemed off and asked him what was wrong. He said he was just tired and had a long day, so I didn't pry or press him.

My oldest daughter (34) and her 2 little ones (ages 1 and 4) had traveled 2-hours Friday early evening to help with the party and were staying at my youngest daughter's house a few miles from my nephew's house. They decided to come visit for a bit to my nephew's house. When my oldest daughter got there with her kids, we took a break and ordered some Door Dash takeout food. We were waiting for the food to come when my nephew had an episode and collapsed in the kitchen from what we found out today was possibly a seizure (they aren't sure yet). My nephew had suffered a head injury during one of his tours in the middle east during his military career and has PTSD, and also has been on some new medication over the past few weeks. I then found out this had happened 4 times over the past week and this past Tuesday he had visited the ER, where they did blood work and took his vitals but no extensive testing. They found nothing wrong and dismissively let him go. He didn't tell us and made his wife swear not to say anything.

So Friday night after the episode, my daughter took nephew's kids over to my other daughter's house for the night because the kids were terribly upset. And nephew refused to go to the emergency room, so I stayed until 11 rolling and baking meatballs, insisting that he do nothing, which he was quite grumpy about. Got it all done and in the frig, packed and ready to go for the party.

Well after I left Friday night, he apparently had another episode, and another Saturday morning, so his wife took him back to the ER. That was around 11 a.m. She called me when they were on their way and was freaking out. My husband had to go to his mom and stepdad's to care for them this morning and I was getting things ready for the baby shower (4:30 p.m.). I could hear my irate nephew going on and on in the background about how he didn't want to go to the ER, he was fine, he didn't want to screw up the party, etc. His wife was in tears and I told her to just get him there and I would be down as soon as I could. I suggested that we cancel the party--that we would take care of it, and she sounded so relieved.

I got my oldest daughter on it and she sent out the cancellation notice to all of the guests. I let my nephew's wife know it was cancelled, and she said my nephew was terribly upset and he wanted to be out of there by 2 so he could get things together and get down to the Italian-American club my husband and I had rented to set things up. His wife kept telling him it was cancelled but it just wasn't registering. This was horrible stress and I was so concerned about my nephew's wife possibly going into premature labor. My nephew was insisting he wasn't going to let them admit him, they wanted to do extensive testing and he wanted no part of it, so I had to enlist the help of a younger cousin he is close with to call him and talk some sense into him. That worked, but nephew was still terribly angry. He finally relinquished and allowed them to admit him into the hospital for testing and observation.

I got to the hospital and had brought nephew's wife some veggies and dip (she has gestational diabetes and has to be careful about what she eats) and she scarfed it down. I then went to their house and let their dogs out and fed them, went to my daughter's house to check on the kids, went back to my house to pick up my husband and dinner food, went back to my daughter's house and we fed her and the kids, and it just seemed like the longest day...nephew's wife finally got my nephew into a room and he is going through extensive testing tomorrow and Monday most likely to see if they can figure out what's going on. The doctor is pretty sure it is something to do with a previous brain trauma. I offerd to stay with my nephew's wife but she just wanted to be alone and sleep. I will be back up to the hospital in the morning and hubby will go over to his mom and stepdad's again.

I am glad I didn't schedule any work for the near future.
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I'm so sorry for this. Your family has had such a time in the last months. At least he's in the hospital and hopefully they will find the issue and treat him.

Craig was like that when he was younger. Wouldn't even admit to me when something was wrong, much less anybody else. I finally got so irritated with him when I absolutely knew something was really wrong and he was adamant that he was fine that I just blew up at him and told him if he couldn't tell me when something was wrong that we didn't have much of a marriage or trust between us, and that he could go to the doctor and tell the truth or a lawyer. He still hid any illness, AKA as a weakness in his head, from everybody else, but he'd be honest with me at least. I am sure that is what is going on with your nephew.

I will never forget one time I had to take Craig to the ER before we ate dinner because he had a kidney stone and couldn't take the pain anymore. The cafeteria was about to close so i went in search of something to eat before they did and ran into a man we knew casually who worked in the hospital. This was long before HIPAA so it wasn't taboo for him to ask if everything was okay. I told him Craig was in the ER with a kidney stone but was okay otherwise. When I got back to Craig's room and told him about seeing the man and relayed his well wishes, Craig had a mini fit. I just looked at Craig and told him to get over himself, that it wasn't like he was in with an STD and a kidney stone was nothing to be ashamed about so no one would think less of him or anything of it, other than wishing him well. Something obviously clicked that night finally in his head because he was never as bad about when he wasn't feeling well again.

I'm sending out good thoughts for your nephew.
 
medtran49 said:
I'm so sorry for this. Your family has had such a time in the last months. At least he's in the hospital and hopefully they will find the issue and treat him.

Craig was like that when he was younger. Wouldn't even admit to me when something was wrong, much less anybody else. I finally got so irritated with him when I absolutely knew something was really wrong and he was adamant that he was fine that I just blew up at him and told him if he couldn't tell me when something was wrong that we didn't have much of a marriage or trust between us, and that he could go to the doctor and tell the truth or a lawyer. He still hid any illness, AKA as a weakness in his head, from everybody else, but he'd be honest with me at least. I am sure that is what is going on with your nephew.

I will never forget one time I had to take Craig to the ER before we ate dinner because he had a kidney stone and couldn't take the pain anymore. The cafeteria was about to close so i went in search of something to eat before they did and ran into a man we knew casually who worked in the hospital. This was long before HIPAA so it wasn't taboo for him to ask if everything was okay. I told him Craig was in the ER with a kidney stone but was okay otherwise. When I got back to Craig's room and told him about seeing the man and relayed his well wishes, Craig had a mini fit. I just looked at Craig and told him to get over himself, that it wasn't like he was in with an STD and a kidney stone was nothing to be ashamed about so no one would think less of him or anything of it, other than wishing him well. Something obviously clicked that night finally in his head because he was never as bad about when he wasn't feeling well again.

I'm sending out good thoughts for your nephew.
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Yeah it's some sort of old school masculinity thing some guys have. I think my dad was the same way. He never let on when he was sick. Stubborn.

Thanks everyone for the support!
 
JAS_OH1 said:
I'm about to go down there and raise bloody hell. I figured I'd be going down this afternoon because certainly they'd keep him until Monday. Nope, my nephew's wife just texted me that the cardiologist said he thinks it's blood pressure issues brought on by stress and he can likely go home today. My nephew has not seen a neurologist. He hasn't had an MRI at either hospital visit.

If they release him and he has another episode, he's going to end up right back there again which is too much stress for his wife. And what if this happens when he's holding the baby after she's born? Or while driving?

I told his wife to get aggressive and pushy and I'll get down there soon. Argggh.
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That is outrageous. Given his history of previous brain injury, a neuro visit, EEG and MRI should be a given, UNLESS his BP was sky high when he went in. I could see them going the route they are in that case. But, if BP wasn't a huge issue, then there should be more investigation and he should be seen by a specialist and more testing done.

BTW, it is illegal in most, if not all states, for a person suffering from unexplained and uncontrolled seizures to be driving or operating heavy machinery. It can also come back on doctors and other medical personnel if an accident occurs.

Is he in a rural hospital with minimal services?
 
medtran49 said:
That is outrageous. Given his history of previous brain injury, a neuro visit, EEG and MRI should be a given, UNLESS his BP was sky high when he went in. I could see them going the route they are in that case. But, if BP wasn't a huge issue, then there should be more investigation and he should be seen by a specialist and more testing done.

BTW, it is illegal in most, if not all states, for a person suffering from unexplained and uncontrolled seizures to be driving or operating heavy machinery. It can also come back on doctors and other medical personnel if an accident occurs.

Is he in a rural hospital with minimal services?
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His BP is good. It may have been slightly elevated upon admission because he was angry and frustrated but it wasn't astronomical.

No, he is at Akron City Hospital with the Summa Health Group. My husband and I see their physicians at other affiliate offices in our area. It's a good hospital. CIty has freaking huge campus.

Irritating, and I'm going to figure out how to make this happen once I get there. It's total BS.

https://www.summahealth.org/locatio...&utm_medium=organic&utm_campaign=website-link
 
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I don’t know if it’s a secondary concern, JAS_OH1 (and sorry to bring up another thing to worry about), but repeated visits to the ER likely won’t sit well with his insurance, depending on what that’s like. We’ve been down that route more than once.

Me…I’ll tell anybody anything about my health if they ask, I don’t care, because it may help somebody, either with getting treatment for something or with putting them at ease over a procedure I’ve been through - none of my brothers would ever get “the finger” check, because of all the negative, largely fictitious information out there. It took me explaining to them what that exam is really like before they’d agree to having it done.

Now get down there and kick some ass! 🍑 🦵
 
TastyReuben said:
I don’t know if it’s a secondary concern, JAS_OH1 (and sorry to bring up another thing to worry about), but repeated visits to the ER likely won’t sit well with his insurance, depending on what that’s like. We’ve been down that route more than once.

Me…I’ll tell anybody anything about my health if they ask, I don’t care, because it may help somebody, either with getting treatment for something or with putting them at ease over a procedure I’ve been through - none of my brothers would ever get “the finger” check, because of all the negative, largely fictitious information out there. It took me explaining to them what that exam is really like before they’d agree to having it done.

Now get down there and kick some ass! 🍑 🦵
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Well I haven't left yet because after my shower my husband announced that his stepdad hasn't had a BM in 4 days, which is not uncommon for post-surgery patients, but he has been taking Dulcolax and it's not working. The next step is magnesium citrate, but that's like Drano (drain cleaner for you international folks) for the intestine and is highly irritating to the digestive tract lining for days after it does it's magic. And you'd have thought the homemade bean soup I sent over the first day after surgery would have been enough to open him up, but no. So I made some of my famous oatmeal and banana pancakes for hubby to take over there this afternoon for their breakfast tomorrow and just got through with that. My husband generally lays large logs after he eats them, so hopefully this will do the trick to "move" things along. Sorry if that was a bit TMI!

Yes, so nephew is VA because of his marine career, but his wife ironically is in the human resources department of a large hospice company and has excellent insurance, and that's part of the reason they got married (plus housing loans are low interest and she's the big breadwinner in their family). I think they would have happily lived in sin for the rest of their lives otherwise.

Getting ready to let nephew's wife know I am heading that way shortly and see what/if updates there are before I go...plus make sure that she got something nutritious with a low glycemic index to eat (you'd hope that they'd have options at hospital cafeterias but IDK).

Okay, going to kick butt here shortly...
 
medtran49 said:
Yeah, you should always take a stool softener a couple times a day when on narcotic pain pills.
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I think part of the problem is he likes coffee and tea but doesn't like water so he likely doesn't have enough hydration for his colon to work with the Dulcolax properly.

Just got a text update from nephew's wife. She said the cell phone service in the hospital is sketchy. Nephew's been sleeping a lot and is on some medication. She says he isn't up for visitors (even me or my DH) and she did put her foot down earlier and demanded he be seen by neurology, so it's happening. I told her to let me know if she needed anything and keep me updated. I can always bring her something to eat and go check on the dogs later. Thankfully the ex-wife came and picked up the kids last night. Sounds like it's going to be another long day for nephew's wife.
 
Alright, so nephew is home as of last night and apparently whatever is wrong with him is all self-induced from recent behaviors and has nothing to do with his brain injury from years ago. So when the doctors were interrogating him at the hospital, he wasn't truthful, and his wife was sitting there and called him out each time he lied about what he has been or has not been doing.

To begin with, he is supposed to eat food when taking his medication. Not only has he been taking his meds without food, he has completely been skipping meals all day long and not eating until dinner time because he wanted to lose some weight and thought he would give intermittent fasting a try. Nope, not supposed to do that with these meds. Secondly, he drinks a lot of coffee and energy drinks but drinks very little water so he was badly dehydrated and his electrolytes were off (they hooked him up to an IV drip over past few days to fix that). The doctor told him to cut back or cut out completely caffeine and to start drinking water, 6-8 glasses a day. Thirdly, he has developed a taste for bourbon and has been having several stiff bourbon on the rocks each evening. He always liked to have a few drinks and was able to do so before with the old meds he was taking, but with the new medication he's been on for the past few weeks, drinking is a no-no (and he knew this). The doctor said that if he starts to eat small meals throughout the day, cuts down on the caffeine, drinks plenty of water, and has no alcohol, his body and mind will right itself within a week or two.

So I am a little exasperated that he hasn't been taking care of himself and brought this all upon himself, and of course his wife is pretty upset with him. And of course when they were checking out of the hospital last night, he wanted to stop somewhere for a St. Paddy's Day beer before going home. I think his wife was ready to just dump him out on the side of the road at that point.
 
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