medtran49 - much of what you wrote rings true for MrsT as well, just not as severe as Craig’s.
Yep, same here.
I set up the dishwasher to run last night, but she told me not to start it because she had a glass to put in it once she was finished with her drink.
Glass sat and sat, I tried taking it into the kitchen, and she said, “Don’t start the dishwasher! I told you I would do it!” - so I left it.
Time for bed (I always go to bed first), I reminded her about it - “I know! I said I’d do it and I’ll do it!”
This morning…there sat the glass, dishwasher still dirty.
“Did you run the dishwasher last night?” - knowing she didn’t, but I can’t just say that.
“Oh. No, I forgot, but don’t do it. I’ll get it before I leave for my meetup.” - she has a client meeting today.
Now she’s gone, it still hasn’t run, it takes two hours to complete a cycle, she probably won’t be back before 2PM, there’s stuff I need in it, and if I run it while she’s gone, it’ll be my neck on the chopping block.
Yep to that as well, I find stuff put away in the strangest places, and I haven’t even reorganized anything.
I see that with her somewhat, but very much so with my parents and my MIL, with their dementia.
The last time I was ever in public with my MIL, she took us out to lunch, and she insisted on paying. By this time, she was living in memory care.
MrsT carried her mom’s cards, and when it came time to pay, she was just going to use her card to pay, but in her mom’s mind,
she had to do it, or she wasn’t actually paying. Fine, here’s your card, there’s the register.
There was a woman being helped, and a few people in line waiting to pay, and my MIL looked at them for about three seconds, then walked right past them, right up to the cashier, sort of bumped the other woman out of the way, and handed the cashier the bill and her card, while the cashier was trying to make change for the other woman.
“Mom! Mom! You gotta wait your turn!”
Her mom’s completely serious reply - “Well, I don’t see why, I’m ready to go!”
With MrsT, it’s her hearing on one side. Her ear works fine, but her brain generally disregards anything coming in from that ear.
MrsT has a variation of that - when she’s done with something, she’s done. She doesn’t tie up loose ends or complete things, which I do put down to courtesy - she’ll eat everything of something if she wants it, like Craig, but she’ll also do things like get a plate down and leave the cupboard open, make a sandwich and leave the bread, cheese, and lunchmeat out and open, thinks like that.
It’s so opposite her pre-stroke personality - she used to be painfully considerate, and now she just thinks about what’s immediately in front of her and her wants. She doesn’t mean it to be rude, it’s just the way her brain works now.
Same with compassion - she used to be extremely compassionate. I’ve joked before that her nickname when we married was based off the Mary Richard’s character from The Mary Tyler Moore show - sweet, empathetic, a pleaser…that ain’t her now. She’s lost a lot of that and can sometimes be downright cruel in her comments about other people’s situations.
Same here, all the way round. Alarms and reminders don’t help. I have to watch her take them, or she won’t. Not because she doesn’t want to, but it’s always, “I’m busy, I’ll do it in a minute.” - but then she instantly forgets.
I’m like one of those sadistic nurses in an old horror movie set in a Victorian insane asylum - “Let’s take our pills!…take them!…I said take them!…Now open your mouth!…Let me see under your tongue!…ok, good!”
With her, her happy place seems to be playing endless games on her phone.
