Thanks. He’s on Paxlovid. Right now, he just seems to be extremely lethargic, instead of his usual everyday tiredness.
Caregivers’ chat
- Thread starter karadekoolaid
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kaneohegirlinaz
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Knock wood!
Normally, by now my Mother has a raging sinus infection, which could easily turn worse.
Fingers crossed
for Pops-TR
Normally, by now my Mother has a raging sinus infection, which could easily turn worse.
Fingers crossed
for Pops-TR
Update on my dad - he’s now testing negative for Covid, so that’s good. Mom, in the same room with him the whole time, never tested positive. 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic
Veteran
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
After suspicions my mums solicitor is being obstructive being set aside in favour of their complacency my suspicions are now back with a vengeance.
I clearly communicated she is suffering from memory loss and that she has agreed I should deal with her legal affairs.
They even contacted her and she told them that is correct.
I supplied them with the access code for The Office of The Public Guardian showing the named attorney's so legally I can act on her behalf.
I asked them to keep her informed only if she contacted them requesting it but just to tell her the headlines so as not to stress her.
I then requested they expedite the application to the Land Registry and they agreed.
Phew I thought, monies will be available to pay for what she needs.
But I heard nothing so I chased them and heard nothing back.
I chased again and I've just received an email saying they did have a "requisition" from the Land registry and had contacted my mother for information but they had not had any of the paperwork from her.
Seriously.
I can't tell if they're lazy and covering their tracks or being deliberately obstructive, I'm beginning to suspect their ties with the other business partners is influencing what they're (not) doing.
I'm almost ready to drive to Bucks and execute 'blow my lid' procedures because there's nothing like an angry client complaining loudly in the shop front to make them behave if only to keep you from their doors.
Problem is these manoeuvres really must only be deployed when A) you have the time, and B) you're calm.
A considered explosion precisely deployed in a rational manner is the only way that really works, and at the moment I am actually a bit cross!
Quick cup o tea stat!
After suspicions my mums solicitor is being obstructive being set aside in favour of their complacency my suspicions are now back with a vengeance.
I clearly communicated she is suffering from memory loss and that she has agreed I should deal with her legal affairs.
They even contacted her and she told them that is correct.
I supplied them with the access code for The Office of The Public Guardian showing the named attorney's so legally I can act on her behalf.
I asked them to keep her informed only if she contacted them requesting it but just to tell her the headlines so as not to stress her.
I then requested they expedite the application to the Land Registry and they agreed.
Phew I thought, monies will be available to pay for what she needs.
But I heard nothing so I chased them and heard nothing back.
I chased again and I've just received an email saying they did have a "requisition" from the Land registry and had contacted my mother for information but they had not had any of the paperwork from her.
Seriously.
I can't tell if they're lazy and covering their tracks or being deliberately obstructive, I'm beginning to suspect their ties with the other business partners is influencing what they're (not) doing.
I'm almost ready to drive to Bucks and execute 'blow my lid' procedures because there's nothing like an angry client complaining loudly in the shop front to make them behave if only to keep you from their doors.
Problem is these manoeuvres really must only be deployed when A) you have the time, and B) you're calm.
A considered explosion precisely deployed in a rational manner is the only way that really works, and at the moment I am actually a bit cross!
Quick cup o tea stat!
So true.
SandwichShortOfAPicnic
Veteran
Back from my mums. Was planning to stay overnight as 7+ hours driving in one day is a bit much on top of everything that needed to be done whilst there but it was horrible and I couldn't bear to be there any longer.
She really is an awful person. She always has been but now her faculties are going it's laid out bare in front of you.
There were many many lowlights, here's the one that got the better of me -
Her will is a convoluted mess, it includes a bombshell that essentially removes a large chunk of what was always promised to her husbands children and gives it to someone else completely unrelated that already owns half of it, the person is not even someone she sees or has anything much to do with.
I said do they know about this?
She said in a particularly venomous voice "No and that's tough sh*t"
So hateful.
After a few hours of all sorts of diabolical things I sat across from her having a very late lunch and thought, you are a truly repugnant human being, if I don't have to see you again that would be ok.
Heyho back home in my own bed now which feels even nicer than usual!
She really is an awful person. She always has been but now her faculties are going it's laid out bare in front of you.
There were many many lowlights, here's the one that got the better of me -
Her will is a convoluted mess, it includes a bombshell that essentially removes a large chunk of what was always promised to her husbands children and gives it to someone else completely unrelated that already owns half of it, the person is not even someone she sees or has anything much to do with.
I said do they know about this?
She said in a particularly venomous voice "No and that's tough sh*t"
So hateful.
After a few hours of all sorts of diabolical things I sat across from her having a very late lunch and thought, you are a truly repugnant human being, if I don't have to see you again that would be ok.
Heyho back home in my own bed now which feels even nicer than usual!
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Very sorry you’re going through all that, and it says something that you’re still willing to try and get her affairs administered.
Oddly, my mom has turned exactly opposite. For as long as my sister has existed, the two have hated each other, and I mean real, mortal hatred, constantly at each other’s throats - I’ve said it before, and I’m not exaggerating…over the years, the rest of us were all mentally prepared for the day one did away with the other, in a fit of anger.
Now, though…my mom treats my sister better than gold, looks forward to their daily visits, tells everyone at the home what a good daughter she is and how proud she is of her, she’s so pretty, she’s such a good cook, on and on. It’s mind-boggling.
Good luck with getting through your mom’s stuff and hopefully, you’ll get it all straight and can just take a little break from it.
P.S. - Mom’s latest thing is that she and my dad are “hidin’ out from the law - don’t tell no one where we are!”
JAS_OH1
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My MIL (who lives about 6 miles away from us) was diagnosed with liver cancer last year. She is 80 and has a myriad of other health issues so chemo and radiation are out of the question (plus she has NASH that turned into cirrhosis so her liver barely functions). The doctors said her only option is a liver transplant, and that's not going to happen. Last July they went in and removed and ablated the tumors on her liver. The tumors haven't come back but she's not doing well. DH's stepdad has been caring for her best he can.
MIL is a tiny woman, 5'4" and used to weigh about 120 but now is about 95 pounds so he is doing okay with helping her walk and bathe without falling, but he isn't in the greatest health. He had triple bypass surgery in December over the Christmas holiday, and now he has arthritis in both shoulders that is bone-on-bone, so he is scheduled for a shoulder replacement on one shoulder March 13. He is also 80. As of now, he is having a hard time just getting his shirt or jacket on each day. Well, they aren't going to schedule the other shoulder surgery until he fully recovers from the first one. He seems to think he will be up and driving around in a week and can schedule the second surgery by the end of March. I was talking to a nurse friend of mine who said it's going to be more like 2 months (if he's lucky) at his age.
So I have offered to be meals on wheels for after FIL's surgery and will be happy to run errands such as picking up groceries, prescriptions, and also can do some light housekeeping for them. They are both trying to keep their independence and think for some reason that it won't be necessary but I already know better so I am not taking much in the way of work for the next 6 weeks so I can be at their beck and call. M nurse friend said that we might want to see if we can get some home healthcare to come in as well, because basic hygiene tasks are going to be difficult for them on their own, and DH and I are not up for the task of assisting with this. I mean, we would if we absolutely had to, but they are not destitute by any means and an easily afford to hire someone to do these kinds of things.
At any rate, DH is not handling this very well. I get it, I lost both of my parents (my mother in 2015 and my father in 1992) and I know it hurts (I was fortunately to have parents who were really great people), but my parents both went quickly when they got sick and it wasn't this long drawn out painful decline. I hate that my MIL hurts everyday. I hate that she is less mobile and so frail and has a hard time eating. DH lost his dad to pancreatic and liver cancer in 2007 and he didn't do well with that, as again, it was also a slow decline and was really hard to watch.
I don't think MIL is going to make it to Christmas and I am not convinced she really wants to. FIL lost his first wife to cancer in the early 2000s and now he is going through it all over again.
MIL is a tiny woman, 5'4" and used to weigh about 120 but now is about 95 pounds so he is doing okay with helping her walk and bathe without falling, but he isn't in the greatest health. He had triple bypass surgery in December over the Christmas holiday, and now he has arthritis in both shoulders that is bone-on-bone, so he is scheduled for a shoulder replacement on one shoulder March 13. He is also 80. As of now, he is having a hard time just getting his shirt or jacket on each day. Well, they aren't going to schedule the other shoulder surgery until he fully recovers from the first one. He seems to think he will be up and driving around in a week and can schedule the second surgery by the end of March. I was talking to a nurse friend of mine who said it's going to be more like 2 months (if he's lucky) at his age.
So I have offered to be meals on wheels for after FIL's surgery and will be happy to run errands such as picking up groceries, prescriptions, and also can do some light housekeeping for them. They are both trying to keep their independence and think for some reason that it won't be necessary but I already know better so I am not taking much in the way of work for the next 6 weeks so I can be at their beck and call. M nurse friend said that we might want to see if we can get some home healthcare to come in as well, because basic hygiene tasks are going to be difficult for them on their own, and DH and I are not up for the task of assisting with this. I mean, we would if we absolutely had to, but they are not destitute by any means and an easily afford to hire someone to do these kinds of things.
At any rate, DH is not handling this very well. I get it, I lost both of my parents (my mother in 2015 and my father in 1992) and I know it hurts (I was fortunately to have parents who were really great people), but my parents both went quickly when they got sick and it wasn't this long drawn out painful decline. I hate that my MIL hurts everyday. I hate that she is less mobile and so frail and has a hard time eating. DH lost his dad to pancreatic and liver cancer in 2007 and he didn't do well with that, as again, it was also a slow decline and was really hard to watch.
I don't think MIL is going to make it to Christmas and I am not convinced she really wants to. FIL lost his first wife to cancer in the early 2000s and now he is going through it all over again.
Very sorry to read that, and I know they’ll appreciate the help. Good luck to everyone there.
JAS_OH1
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Thanks. I can be a rock for Mr. OH up until after she passes, and then I will be a wreck, too. Even more so at the funeral. I generally try to just go to calling hours and not to the cemetery for most of the family, because I bawl every single time. Of course I will do both for MIL. And when DH's dad passed, his children, who were all about 10-16 at the time, were inconsolable, and DH wasn't much better. It was really hard.
I don't say things to hubby like "when your mom passes on" or anything that makes it sound like she could die this year, but it's hard not to see the obvious. If she hangs on longer than Christmas I will feel really bad for her because she will have 0 quality of life by then...it's marginal at best now. But I do tell him he (we if I am not working) should go see her, she's 10 minutes down the road. He struggles with this because he knows I am right but he comes home from visits so morose and depressed...I feel terrible for him but I think he is going to have a lot of regrets if he doesn't force himself to go more often now. It's going to be harder on down the road.
I hope it doesn't sound callous and selfish that I will be ready for a vacation within a month or two after she passes. We haven't gone anywhere in quite awhile because of her illness, and I think we will both need a change of scenery and a distraction from the sadness.
kaneohegirlinaz
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karadekoolaid
Legendary Member
You do what you can do, and that's it. You can only support your oldies if you want to, if you can, and I know that sounds awful, but it is what it is. Some people just turn away and do nothing.
I sat with my dad (dementia) two years ago and listened to stories from his childhood; although he couldn't remember who I was. Then I got to see my 94 yr old mum in hospital, after she'd had 2 stents forced into her arteries, telling me to leave because I'd "locked her in a box!!" (she'd had an MRI scan). My brother went ballistic one day after my mum died and threatened to smack me with his walking stick, because I was trying to "control everything". Not even the slightest interest, and I said "you can have everything in the house if you want it, because I'm not hauling loads of s*** back to Caracas". Then I went to see my sis in February 2022, ONCE. She collapsed one day with a condition known as Arterio-venal malformation, was operated on (for 15 hours) and spent 3 years in bed, unable to walk or feed herself. Told my BIL that I wanted to remember her as she was, not like some living vegetable. She passed away two weeks ago and I'm so happy she's now at peace. Life goes on and we can only do what we can.
kaneohegirlinaz
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true karadekoolaid , we can only do what we can do
Didn't know this. I'm sorry. I suppose there is (almost?) no family left in Maidstone now. But if you ever stray this way again, we must certainly have a pint together if I ever get mobile again.
karadekoolaid
Legendary Member
Dad, mum, brother, sister - all in the space of 2 years.
My BIL and my niece/nephew still live there, though.