Covid and mental health

Windigo

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[Mod.Edit: This and following few posts moved on request to form a new and important topic (MG)]

My mentally unstable step son is now 'advising' people in random places to wear masks. He's been threatened today and called names, and this was the first time he told us he was doing this. We've warned him that people have been beat up for this, and that he really needs to be careful. He was totally shocked, not by the guy who called him names but by the fact that people get agressive over this. It's pretty concerning.
 
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epicuric

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My mentally unstable step son is now 'advising' people in random places to wear masks. He's been threatened today and called names, and this was the first time he told us he was doing this. We've warned him that people have been beat up for this, and that he really needs to be careful. He was totally shocked, not by the guy who called him names but by the fact that people get aggressive over this. It's pretty concerning.
That's worrying for you. Is he recognisably unstable, as in would people make allowances for him?
 

Windigo

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That's worrying for you. Is he recognisably unstable, as in would people make allowances for him?

Yes very much so. But people also film and mock him for it which is a sad but unfortunate result of his weirdness and his desire to tell others what to do. We have explained this so many times I lost count, but he just isn't capable of understanding why he is different in what he does. It is very sad.
 

Windigo

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Due to Corona mentally unstable stepson's treatment has been postponed to next year. He was given an alternative place to stay at Jan 1st, and now they have pulled the plug saying he's not stable enough to go there. I'm really feeling like pulling my hair. We've spent two full years fighting for this and again they are letting us down with a mere 'sorry'. I just don't know how much longer we can last. My husband is already teetering on the edge of a burnout, and I am frankly starting to become so frustrated I might need a therapist myself..
And this is a case where someone is dangerously unstable. This corona thing is far from over and will cause a massive healthcare crisis in both mental and physical healthcare if it doesn't get solved soon.
 

Morning Glory

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Due to Corona mentally unstable stepson's treatment has been postponed to next year. He was given an alternative place to stay at Jan 1st, and now they have pulled the plug saying he's not stable enough to go there. I'm really feeling like pulling my hair. We've spent two full years fighting for this and again they are letting us down with a mere 'sorry'. I just don't know how much longer we can last. My husband is already teetering on the edge of a burnout, and I am frankly starting to become so frustrated I might need a therapist myself..
And this is a case where someone is dangerously unstable. This corona thing is far from over and will cause a massive healthcare crisis in both mental and physical healthcare if it doesn't get solved soon.

So, so sorry to hear this. Does he still stay with his mother sometimes? At least that used to give you a break.
 

Windigo

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So, so sorry to hear this. Does he still stay with his mother sometimes? At least that used to give you a break.

They stay with their mother a few days every week , but she is mentally unstable too and tries to get us to do everything. And we do most of it because she really can't do it , making my husband even more stressed.

Shes only been diagnosed as autistic and chronically depressed at the age of 58 and still denies her problems which complicates matters even more.
Her denying her illness was the reason for their divorce too, even though she was bad enough for state mandated care.
She just blames him. And you folks now how much abuse I have gone through in my life, and my husband is an absolute gem of a person. I know red flags, he has none. She is really delusional.
 

mjd

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Yes very much so. But people also film and mock him for it which is a sad but unfortunate result of his weirdness and his desire to tell others what to do. We have explained this so many times I lost count, but he just isn't capable of understanding why he is different in what he does. It is very sad.

I hope I'm not stepping on your toes with this question. Have you tried explaining that what he is doing is also aggressive? Sometimes, I think it's hard for people, even without mental illness, to recognize how their behavior impacts other people. We know our intentions but don't always understand how our actions are perceived by others.

I hope you find a way to get through to him. All the best.
 

mjd

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Due to Corona mentally unstable stepson's treatment has been postponed to next year. He was given an alternative place to stay at Jan 1st, and now they have pulled the plug saying he's not stable enough to go there. I'm really feeling like pulling my hair. We've spent two full years fighting for this and again they are letting us down with a mere 'sorry'. I just don't know how much longer we can last. My husband is already teetering on the edge of a burnout, and I am frankly starting to become so frustrated I might need a therapist myself..
And this is a case where someone is dangerously unstable. This corona thing is far from over and will cause a massive healthcare crisis in both mental and physical healthcare if it doesn't get solved soon.

I have a better understanding now so my previous response is moot. I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this. I see a therapist because I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Since COVID, all my appointments are online through a secure video chat. Is it possible that his therapist can do something like that or can you find one that can to get through until he can have regular sessions in the office? I have also heard of therapists that make house calls, especially in cases like you describe.

I hope you are practicing self-care and don't get to the point of total burnout. It's great that you and your husband have one another. I hope you find something that works for your family.

I'm speaking from experience. I've given way too much of myself and my health has been greatly impacted. Fortunately, I have a caregiver who helps me with chores and errands but I'm really way too young to be in this position, physically or emotionally. I try to take each day one at a time which really helps my anxiety. I was completely devastated when my ex turned on me. I have an abusive family so he and our children were all the family I had. I honestly believe both my parents have some kind of undiagnosed mental illnesses. I don't know what I would do without my competent and compassionate therapist.
 

Windigo

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I hope I'm not stepping on your toes with this question. Have you tried explaining that what he is doing is also aggressive? Sometimes, I think it's hard for people, even without mental illness, to recognize how their behavior impacts other people. We know our intentions but don't always understand how our actions are perceived by others.

I hope you find a way to get through to him. All the best.

Yes we have tried explaining that, but he does not have a realistic self image or the ability to have one unfortunately. He is long term mentally ill, and unfortunaly delusional in some areas. I've written on it pretty extensively on here, you can find more about it in my post history. Frequent posters here know the story.

And no worries, your question is totally reasonable. But just for a short explanation, he's a classic autism case, with a developmental delay (he is 20 but thinks like a 12 year old), extreme OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder), some types of hallucinations and a few serious intellectual disabilities. Hope this explains it a little .
 

Windigo

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I have a better understanding now so my previous response is moot. I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this. I see a therapist because I have PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder). Since COVID, all my appointments are online through a secure video chat. Is it possible that his therapist can do something like that or can you find one that can to get through until he can have regular sessions in the office? I have also heard of therapists that make house calls, especially in cases like you describe.

I hope you are practicing self-care and don't get to the point of total burnout. It's great that you and your husband have one another. I hope you find something that works for your family.

I'm speaking from experience. I've given way too much of myself and my health has been greatly impacted. Fortunately, I have a caregiver who helps me with chores and errands but I'm really way too young to be in this position, physically or emotionally. I try to take each day one at a time which really helps my anxiety. I was completely devastated when my ex turned on me. I have an abusive family so he and our children were all the family I had. I honestly believe both my parents have some kind of undiagnosed mental illnesses. I don't know what I would do without my competent and compassionate therapist.

Hey, I have PTSD too. Your story sounds similar to mine.

My stepson does have regular therapeutic visits or digital therapy sessions, he gets about 5 hours a week. But he's borderline psychotic since the beginning of this year, and while that is acknowledged by his doctors they find him 'too complex' to place him in a normal mental health facility. So he is on a waiting list for very specialist care, but it's been pushed forward for over 9 months now because of the corona crisis. This while he is visibly detoriating, and agressive to us. They basically leave us hanging to provide 24/7 care on top of our regular lives and the corona crisis. It's incredibly challenging.

I do practice self-care, I've been through worse than this because I grew up like you. But I hate seeing my husband at the end of his rope, and worry about him getting a burnout because I have health conditions that make us rely on his income only. So a solution now really has to come fast, his employer has given him a deadline of 1 january to fix the problem..

As for your spoiler: I am sorry to hear that, caregiver burnout is a real problem. I am also too young, only 33 but unfortunatly life sometimes deals a rough set of cards for some of us. I am really glad you have proper health, it's a great thing to move forward. I've had competent care for over 10 years, that's brought me in the stable and relatively good position I am in now. I hope you will have a good 2021.
 

rascal

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My 73 yo friend who I couldn't get hold of during lock down is now back in touch. He said he contemplated suicide because of a series of things. His abusive son moved in with him for covid, so he panic bought a retirement unit ( he owns with conditions) to get away from his son who is a bully and an absolute a hole. He lost his weekend job, he's a butcher. Then he had a lump removed from his neck.
Long story short he's in a happy place now. We went out for the day during the week. He txt me the following day thanking me. I wonder what the suicide rates are like compared to pre covid?

Russ
 

mjd

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Hey, I have PTSD too. Your story sounds similar to mine.

My stepson does have regular therapeutic visits or digital therapy sessions, he gets about 5 hours a week. But he's borderline psychotic since the beginning of this year, and while that is acknowledged by his doctors they find him 'too complex' to place him in a normal mental health facility. So he is on a waiting list for very specialist care, but it's been pushed forward for over 9 months now because of the corona crisis. This while he is visibly detoriating, and agressive to us. They basically leave us hanging to provide 24/7 care on top of our regular lives and the corona crisis. It's incredibly challenging.

I do practice self-care, I've been through worse than this because I grew up like you. But I hate seeing my husband at the end of his rope, and worry about him getting a burnout because I have health conditions that make us rely on his income only. So a solution now really has to come fast, his employer has given him a deadline of 1 january to fix the problem..

As for your spoiler: I am sorry to hear that, caregiver burnout is a real problem. I am also too young, only 33 but unfortunatly life sometimes deals a rough set of cards for some of us. I am really glad you have proper health, it's a great thing to move forward. I've had competent care for over 10 years, that's brought me in the stable and relatively good position I am in now. I hope you will have a good 2021.

Windigo, I am still loopy from my procedure today so forgive me if this makes no sense. LOL

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know it's not easy even without a pandemic.

I really have a problem with some mental health professionals and how they treat people with problems. I have met a few who were quite abusive that compounded my PTSD. In fairness, I struggle with that whole field of study because my mother was a psychologist and she was my primary abuser. It takes a long time for me to feel "safe" with any new therapist and I don't trust any of them. The balance of power is too one-sided and too many of them misuse that.

I'm glad you are practicing self-care. It is so important and I completely understand hurting because your husband is hurting. I was always supportive of my husband no matter what he was dealing with at any given time. I am sure your love and support are very much appreciated.

I am a bit unclear on the his employer. Are you saying that his boss is telling him to resolve the problems with his stepson by the end of the year? Wow. I'm sorry if that's the case. It's not really surprising though. Companies are not as supportive and appreciative of their staff the way they were a generation or two ago. How is the job market in your area? Sounds like he should get some irons in the fire now just in case.

Thanks for your kind words. I am learning to take things day-by-day and relax more. Even now, I cannot fall asleep unless I take medications and I still have awful nightmares. However, I am getting stronger and am learning how to keep boundaries with people that mean me no good. Sadly, most of them are family members but I'm doing really well and not feeling guilty because I won't get pulled back into it. The last encounter almost killed me (literally). I'm not going back ever. This is a HUGE step for me as I have a forgiving heart and patience. But, enough is enough, I have two children that will someday come back to me and they deserve a strong, healthy mom.

I hope for you all the best and hope next year will bring us both good things. ;-0

P.S. Forgive me if I ever repeat myself. I got a concussion in one of the beatings a couple years ago so my memory is sometimes spotty. I don't forget whole conversations but I might miss something that's already been answered. I apologize in advance.
 
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