Covid and mental health

mjd

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My 73 yo friend who I couldn't get hold of during lock down is now back in touch. He said he contemplated suicide because of a series of things. His abusive son moved in with him for covid, so he panic bought a retirement unit ( he owns with conditions) to get away from his son who is a bully and an absolute a hole. He lost his weekend job, he's a butcher. Then he had a lump removed from his neck.
Long story short he's in a happy place now. We went out for the day during the week. He txt me the following day thanking me. I wonder what the suicide rates are like compared to pre covid?

Russ

I've heard that there has been an increase in mental health issues overall, substance abuse, domestic violence and divorce since the pandemic started. I don't know the stats on any of it though.

I'm glad your friend has you to be there for him. That kind of support is invaluable and we never know if it just might save a life.
 

Burt Blank

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My Bona fides. My kid brother has been a Governor for Salford Mental Health Trust for a long time. The trust has an exemplary reputation. From time to time I was a Volunteer Prison Visitor. He asked me to do the same at Salford. I will say two things, the Nurses and Doctors in the secured units were some of the finest humanitarians I have met. I befriended one guy who had been sectioned. He lived with his new wife and her kids in his council flat. They had been in temp accommodation before they married. She cheated. He was removed from the flat and she was granted a restraining order. He had to keep financially supporting her and the kids even when she moved her new boyfriend in. He exploded and entered the flat with a chain saw ( they were out ) he cut all his furniture into matchwood. Neighbors called the Police and he was rightly sectioned. He was due to be released, I got him out early with the offer of a job and accommodation. He worked faultlessly as a lorry driver for six years. He met a woman with two kids they married, I met her and the kids at a bonfire night party we put on. She cheated. His foreman came to me one morning and said Steve had not come in for work. He was not answering his company cell. I and three employees went to his flat, kicked the door in and found him dead in the living room. Opening the bedroom door was one of the hardest things I have done. I buckled a bit when I found it was empty.
To the people who work at the coal face within metal health care this is every day life.
 

caseydog

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I've heard that there has been an increase in mental health issues overall, substance abuse, domestic violence and divorce since the pandemic started. I don't know the stats on any of it though.

Yes, all those things are up, and suicides. People are definitely drinking more, and day drinking is happening with people who have didn't do that pre-Covid. People are eating more, and exercising less -- gaining weight.

CD
 

Burt Blank

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I've heard that there has been an increase in mental health issues overall, substance abuse, domestic violence and divorce since the pandemic started. I don't know the stats on any of it though.
Enforced 24 hours a day confinement with your partner seems to be the catalyst. " While the holidays may be the time for spending time with loved ones and family, statistics show that after the holidays, many couples decide to throw in the towel and call it quits on their marriage. In fact, according to a study conducted by the University of Washington, the results of which were summarized in an 2016 article in Fox News, rates of divorce are highest in March, and second highest in August. Consequently, both of these months follow periods of holidays – the winter holidays that span from November to February, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day, and the summer holidays in July, such as the fourth of July and summer break for kids. "
 

Windigo

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Windigo, I am still loopy from my procedure today so forgive me if this makes no sense. LOL

I am so sorry you are going through all this. I know it's not easy even without a pandemic.

I really have a problem with some mental health professionals and how they treat people with problems. I have met a few who were quite abusive that compounded my PTSD. In fairness, I struggle with that whole field of study because my mother was a psychologist and she was my primary abuser. It takes a long time for me to feel "safe" with any new therapist and I don't trust any of them. The balance of power is too one-sided and too many of them misuse that.

Hope your procedure went ok!

That's awful, a therapist should be someone you can trust. My experiences with them have been mostly positive, however I have the same issue with medical practitioners. Too many times my boundaries have been (severely) violated and that's one of the reasons I have PTSD. Having a mother with Munchausen by proxy does not help. Factitious disorder imposed on another - Wikipedia

I am a bit unclear on the his employer. Are you saying that his boss is telling him to resolve the problems with his stepson by the end of the year? Wow. I'm sorry if that's the case. It's not really surprising though. Companies are not as supportive and appreciative of their staff the way they were a generation or two ago. How is the job market in your area? Sounds like he should get some irons in the fire now just in case.

Yes, they gave him january 1st as a deadline to fix the issues that keep him from working at his normal level. Pretty unreasonable, but not unexpected. My husband is a very high level skilled programmer writing a computer language almost nobody knows, so he gets offers daily. So him being sent away would not really cause us issues, but we'd prefer to stay with this employer because switching and starting over every few years gets tiring too. So far no employer has kept my husband for more than three years since the mental health issues of our eldest started.

I'm not going back ever. This is a HUGE step for me as I have a forgiving heart and patience. But, enough is enough, I have two children that will someday come back to me and they deserve a strong, healthy mom.

I hope for you all the best and hope next year will bring us both good things. ;-0

P.S. Forgive me if I ever repeat myself. I got a concussion in one of the beatings a couple years ago so my memory is sometimes spotty. I don't forget whole conversations but I might miss something that's already been answered. I apologize in advance.

That's the best you could've done for your kids! You made a wise decision, toxic family members add nothing to your life but misery and without them you can build yourself up better. I'm sure your kids will be able to understand. And don't worry about repeating yourself, I probably have too. I liked reading your story.
 

TastyReuben

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Yes, all those things are up, and suicides. People are definitely drinking more, and day drinking is happening with people who have didn't do that pre-Covid. People are eating more, and exercising less -- gaining weight.

CD
It's exactly the opposite for me. I'm drinking much less, eating less, and exercising more, though none of that is Covid-related.

Also, the stress from suddenly being cooped up with a spouse/family? Not an issue here, we were already more or less together 24/7 before Covid, as we both work from home and lead fairly boring, isolated lives, anyway.

In a way, it's like we were built for lockdown.
 

Windigo

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It's exactly the opposite for me. I'm drinking much less, eating less, and exercising more, though none of that is Covid-related.

Also, the stress from suddenly being cooped up with a spouse/family? Not an issue here, we were already more or less together 24/7 before Covid, as we both work from home and lead fairly boring, isolated lives, anyway.

In a way, it's like we were built for lockdown.

Yeah same the time periods where it's just me and my husband are fine, we really have zero issues as a couple and this year definitely proved that. It's wonderful to be in such a good marriage.
 

mjd

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Yes, all those things are up, and suicides. People are definitely drinking more, and day drinking is happening with people who have didn't do that pre-Covid. People are eating more, and exercising less -- gaining weight.

CD

I was really surprised when our governor closed most businesses but kept the liquor stores open. I guess he knew that people would revolt if they couldn't go to bars or the liquor store. On the up side, weight loss programs are going to get a rush of clients when everything is lifted. ;-)
 

mjd

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Enforced 24 hours a day confinement with your partner seems to be the catalyst. " While the holidays may be the time for spending time with loved ones and family, statistics show that after the holidays, many couples decide to throw in the towel and call it quits on their marriage. In fact, according to a study conducted by the University of Washington, the results of which were summarized in an 2016 article in Fox News, rates of divorce are highest in March, and second highest in August. Consequently, both of these months follow periods of holidays – the winter holidays that span from November to February, including Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day, and the summer holidays in July, such as the fourth of July and summer break for kids. "

The opposite is true as well. I have a friend who is on a few dating sites. She has received about 100 responses in two months. Her sister told her that is common as men are looking for women to buy them Christmas presents and then move on afterward. I don't know if that's true but from some of the messages she gets, it seems to be.

All said, I think it's sad that people cannot tolerate being in constant contact with the person they vowed to love forever. It says quite a bit about how we prioritize.
 

Burt Blank

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The opposite is true as well. I have a friend who is on a few dating sites. She has received about 100 responses in two months. Her sister told her that is common as men are looking for women to buy them Christmas presents and then move on afterward. I don't know if that's true but from some of the messages she gets, it seems to be.
Her sister sound a very bitter woman.
 

mjd

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Her sister sound a very bitter woman.

I don't know as I've never met her sister. I think her intent was to warn her sister about scammers. My friend does seem a bit "too eager" to get a guy and she has revealed way too much information. She lives alone and has given some of these guys her home address. ALL the men that have contacted her have asked about sex, money and/or for gifts. People don't generally say "I love you" and "let's get married" within days of talking to someone, especially someone they've never met.

She's a sweet person but that also makes her vulnerable to con artists. Fortunately, she trusts me and knows that I would never hurt or betray her so she has agreed to give me names and phone numbers of anybody she plans to meet. At least I would have something to tell the cops if something bad happens. I hope it doesn't reach that point.
 

mjd

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Windigo...
Hope your procedure went ok!

Yes, it did. Everything turned out well so I don't have to go back for three years (instead of every year). Yeah!

That's awful, a therapist should be someone you can trust. My experiences with them have been mostly positive, however I have the same issue with medical practitioners. Too many times my boundaries have been (severely) violated and that's one of the reasons I have PTSD. Having a mother with Munchausen by proxy does not help. Factitious disorder imposed on another - Wikipedia

I have heard of Munchausen by proxy and I'm so sorry you had to go through that. It has always confused me that people celebrate being pregnant and when their baby is born, but so many just "go off the rails" somewhere after that.

People would tell me that I had to be more understanding of how hard it is to parent and I couldn't understand because I didn't have children. I am an older mom and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I understand even LESS now. I've never been angry at my children. I've never yelled at, hit or beat them. What my parents did was not only illegal, but unconsciousable. My mother was in the mental health field and my father was a Chicago cop. If they didn't know now to torture their child personally, they certainly knew professionally and they did it anyway.

Yes, they gave him january 1st as a deadline to fix the issues that keep him from working at his normal level. Pretty unreasonable, but not unexpected. My husband is a very high level skilled programmer writing a computer language almost nobody knows, so he gets offers daily. So him being sent away would not really cause us issues, but we'd prefer to stay with this employer because switching and starting over every few years gets tiring too. So far no employer has kept my husband for more than three years since the mental health issues of our eldest started.

I'm sorry to hear that he's been through so much with employment because of his son's problems, but am relieved that he is a hot commodity in his field and can land on his feet. It definitely sounds like there has to be some kind of major intervention to get REAL help for your step-son.

I am not familiar with your area but have you looked into individual living programs? For example, we have housing for people with developmental delays. The buildings are owned and operated by the counseling agency and there is staff 24/7. Each client has their own apartment with shared access to the kitchen and community room. They also offer medication management, support groups and individualized treatment plans.

That's the best you could've done for your kids! You made a wise decision, toxic family members add nothing to your life but misery and without them you can build yourself up better. I'm sure your kids will be able to understand. And don't worry about repeating yourself, I probably have too. I liked reading your story.

I wish you could talk to my parents for me. They are blowing up my phone with calls/texts. They are very well off and want to hold that over me. I don't care that I've been disinherited. There is not enough money in the world for me to go back and be abused not to mention the last few times happened in front of my children. I'm a Mama Bear through-and-through. Don't mess with my "babies".

I have a wonderful counselor now. She does EMDR (which has had great success for clients with PTSD). We haven't been able to do it because we cannot meet until our governor opens the state. We do online sessions and I love that we don't talk much about my history and focus on today and how to get healthier and stronger. I haven't met too many counselors with extensive experience with PTSD (mine is called complex-PTSD which is not curable, just manageable) so it's doubly exciting to find one that really knows what she's doing.

Thanks for the conversation. I enjoy talking with you as well. Please feel free to private message if you need a sounding board. I'll listen. ;-)
 
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