Funny tales from doctor's visits

[mjd]

Another one, same doc:

When I hit about 45, I started getting really forgetful, and it bothered me a lot, because I'd always had a steel-trap memory, and I was getting to where I couldn't remember what I'd had for lunch the day before, or I'd get up and walk into the kitchen to get something, and forget what it was.

About that time, I'd met up with most of my brothers for a couple of beers. They're all older than me, and the conversation turned to guy talk, and I learned that all my brothers were using this low-testosterone cream, and they all said it was wonderful, mainly in libido department.

Shortly after that, I started noticing all the low-T ads on TV, which all had variations of "Are you forgetful? Tired all the time? Slowing down in the bedroom? Then you need T-cream!"

So, next appointment, I asked my doc:

Any questions for me?

Yeah, uh, I've been really forgetful lately, like I get in the car to go somewhere, get to the end of the road, and I can't remember where I'm going, or I go to the store to get four things, and I get there, and I can remember only two.

(Looks at me like I need to get to the point)

So I keep seeing these ads for low-testosterone cream and-

I'm going to stop you right there. You don't have low testosterone. Just look in the mirror, you're growing a beard! That's all you need to know about your testosterone level.

Ok, it's just that all my brothers are-

Well, all your brothers have the same problem that 90% of older men have - THEY'RE GETTING OLD AND THEY WANT TO KEEP RUNNING AROUND LIKE THEY'RE 20 YEARS OLD!

Ok, I-

Look, you have high testosterone when your young because your body can handle it and you need it. Then as you age, your body can't handle it any longer and Nature does you a favor by cutting your levels back gradually as you age. Yeah, you get tired, you get forgetful, and maybe you don't, um, stay up all night like you used to...THAT'S BY DESIGN!

Ok, so-

You just wait, another 20 years, all the guys who couldn't accept aging gracefully are going to be keeling over left and right from heart attacks, because that's what high testosterone levels do to older men. MARK MY WORDS!!!

Does he have many patients? He sounds like a hoot.

The whole aging male thing freaks me out.

 

[TastyReuben]

Does he have many patients? He sounds like a hoot.

The whole aging male thing freaks me out.

Here's the thing: I loved the guy, because he was a straight shooter, and when I said something stupid, he'd say, "You're stupid," and I appreciated that. If there's one guy I want to be straight with me, it's my doc, because I don't read between the lines very well, and if something is bad news, I need to be told directly, "This is bad news and this is why it's bad news." He never sugarcoated anything.

Anyway, we got a new benefits app a couple of years ago, and one thing they wanted us to do was to rate our doctors. I went out to the rating site, found my doc, and his ratings were pretty bad, and they all said the same thing, some variation of "He's not very nice," but I gave him great ratings, because his advice was always exactly right for me.

 

[mjd]

Here's the thing: I loved the guy, because he was a straight shooter, and when I said something stupid, he'd say, "You're stupid," and I appreciated that. If there's one guy I want to be straight with me, it's my doc, because I don't read between the lines very well, and if something is bad news, I need to be told directly, "This is bad news and this is why it's bad news." He never sugarcoated anything.

Anyway, we got a new benefits app a couple of years ago, and one thing they wanted us to do was to rate our doctors. I went out to the rating site, found my doc, and his ratings were pretty bad, and they all said the same thing, some variation of "He's not very nice," but I gave him great ratings, because his advice was always exactly right for me.

I can certainly see why he would appeal to your personality type. I prefer straight shooters myself. The one thing I absolutely will NOT abide is when a doctor claims they know what is best for me. They aren't the ones taking the meds or having the surgery so I have every right and responsibility to do due diligence.

I am just now getting back on my feet after my ex spent the last several years damaging my doctor-patient relationships. I am so glad I am no longer on his insurance so he can't see which doctors I have.

 

[TastyReuben]

Ok, this story is a little risqué, but it's funny.

We'd just moved here, first visit to new dentist, for a cleaning and exam.

The hygienist doing the cleaning, really perky, bubbly woman, about 40yo, same age as me at the time. A real chatterbox, and she never shut up the whole time she was working on me, but it was impossible to be annoyed, because she's was like an overeager puppy.

Anyway, she'd finished the scraping and all that and was moving on to polishing my teeth with that flavored gritty stuff, and I mentioned that I never mind the digging and scraping, but I hate the polishing.

"Well, I'll be as quick as I can! Let's start with your top row!"

Whizz...whizz..whizz, she made quick work of that. Then she flashed me her million-dollar smile, and enthusiastically let me know that, "I'm all done there, so hold on, because I'm about to go down on you!"



Trust me, the words had not left her mouth when she realized the unfortunate way she'd phrased that, and he face turned so many different shades of red, I felt just terrible for her. About a thousand off-color remarks popped into my noggin, but she was so embarrassed, I couldn't say any of them.

I really wanted to say something like, "Oh, don't worry, that didn't sound nearly as bad as you think it did," or something to comfort her, but that would have been a lie. I couldn't even manage a sly grin, she felt so bad, which made me feel bad in return.

 

[Yorky]

Not really serious but this was the encounter between a doctor and me when I was taking a medical for a house mortgage at around 26 years old.

Doctor: Do you smoke?
Me: Yes
Doctor: How many per week?
Me: About 2 ounces of tobacco (I rolled my own cigarettes at the time).
Doctor: How many cigarettes is that?
Me: Difficult to say.
Doctor: I'll put 20 cigarettes per day.
Me: OK.
Doctor: Do you drink?
Me: Yes, beer.
Doctor: How much?
Me: Difficult to say. It varies.
Doctor: Would you say "Five or six pints per week?"
Me: I'd say "Five or six gallons per week".
Doctor: Do you want this bloody mortgage or not?

I can't remember what he wrote but I got the mortgage.

 

[Lullabelle]

Ok, this story is a little risqué, but it's funny.

We'd just moved here, first visit to new dentist, for a cleaning and exam.

The hygienist doing the cleaning, really perky, bubbly woman, about 40yo, same age as me at the time. A real chatterbox, and she never shut up the whole time she was working on me, but it was impossible to be annoyed, because she's was like an overeager puppy.

Anyway, she'd finished the scraping and all that and was moving on to polishing my teeth with that flavored gritty stuff, and I mentioned that I never mind the digging and scraping, but I hate the polishing.

"Well, I'll be as quick as I can! Let's start with your top row!"

Whizz...whizz..whizz, she made quick work of that. Then she flashed me her million-dollar smile, and enthusiastically let me know that, "I'm all done there, so hold on, because I'm about to go down on you!"



Trust me, the words had not left her mouth when she realized the unfortunate way she'd phrased that, and he face turned so many different shades of red, I felt just terrible for her. About a thousand off-color remarks popped into my noggin, but she was so embarrassed, I couldn't say any of them.

I really wanted to say something like, "Oh, don't worry, that didn't sound nearly as bad as you think it did," or something to comfort her, but that would have been a lie. I couldn't even manage a sly grin, she felt so bad, which made me feel bad in return.

brilliant, thankfully I am alone in the office as I snorted

 

[karadekoolaid]

Just seen this thread, and I know it´s oldish, but reminds me of a true story .
My brother had serious cancer in 1984. He was only 26 - but he´s still with us, thanks to the brilliant medical treatment.
Anyway - he had to have fortnightly visits to the GP. On one occasion, the doc said:
" So how are you feeling?"
(Bro) " Well, fine, I´m not having any problems breathing"
(Doc - worried) " Why? Have you had any breathing problems?"
(Bro) " Nope; I´ve got so many needle holes in the skin, the air gets in all on its own"
( Doc cracks up)

 

[Lullabelle]

Just seen this thread, and I know it´s oldish, but reminds me of a true story .
My brother had serious cancer in 1984. He was only 26 - but he´s still with us, thanks to the brilliant medical treatment.
Anyway - he had to have fortnightly visits to the GP. On one occasion, the doc said:
" So how are you feeling?"
(Bro) " Well, fine, I´m not having any problems breathing"
(Doc - worried) " Why? Have you had any breathing problems?"
(Bro) " Nope; I´ve got so many needle holes in the skin, the air gets in all on its own"
( Doc cracks up)