I know what you mean. I’m so damn thankful for my brother, as he does the lion’s share of care for my parents, and it’s easy to take for granted, because I’m exposed to about 1% of what he goes through on a daily basis.
The General Chat Thread (2016-2022)
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I’ve been scrubbing the deck outside today, getting ready for a possible little picnic tomorrow. It’s supposed to be 82F/28C tomorrow.
I’ve got focaccia on the rise, have to look at what else I was thinking of for the first picnic of the year.
I’ve got focaccia on the rise, have to look at what else I was thinking of for the first picnic of the year.
karadekoolaid
Legendary Member
On a day like that, you do what you can, especially with ageing parents. No-one could expect any more.
Then you find a nice, quiet place to eat, have a beer or two, and a huge steak. Or whatever takes your fancy. You deserve it, but much more important, you NEED it.
karadekoolaid
Legendary Member
Looks like many of us have elderly parents, and when you, caseydog, say "they´re like children", I think you probably hit the nail on the head.
My mum said to me the other day:
" I don´t want the carers here on Sunday. Sunday is a day of rest, and what´s more, I don´t like all those people in the house"
Answer:
" First of all, there´s only ONE carer, and he´s only here for an hour. Secondly, you can´t even open the oven door, so the carer comes every day of the week, including Sundays, ok?"
(Grumpy look)
Last weekend, I went there with my three sons, their wives, and my grandson (2 years old), all at once. She was fascinated - the old boy was pretty confused, but he got over it. AND we got a photo of all of us: 4 generations in one snap!!
My mum said to me the other day:
" I don´t want the carers here on Sunday. Sunday is a day of rest, and what´s more, I don´t like all those people in the house"
Answer:
" First of all, there´s only ONE carer, and he´s only here for an hour. Secondly, you can´t even open the oven door, so the carer comes every day of the week, including Sundays, ok?"
(Grumpy look)
Last weekend, I went there with my three sons, their wives, and my grandson (2 years old), all at once. She was fascinated - the old boy was pretty confused, but he got over it. AND we got a photo of all of us: 4 generations in one snap!!
Trouble is I can't really do that. Its not only parents who may have dementia. As said above, it can be a partner/wife/husband (as in my case) which means 'escape' is very limited. Basically, you become a full-time carer. I'm OK with it so far, though in the last few weeks things stepped up a notch. Until now he has gone out walking on his own with a tracking device in case he wanders 'off piste'. This happened once in a while and my son or daughter would go and rescue him. In the last few weeks its happened lots of times and its pretty obvious that he now needs supervising on his walks. The good thing is I'm now walking up to two hours a day - I am usually lazy and this is good! In fact I seem to be losing weight and feeling more energetic because of it.
Yes, I know. I feel for you. It sounds like he is still functioning, at this point. You have to arrange his days, but he can still do the basic things one needs to do. I hope that's the case.
CD
Hey, if walking with him makes you walk everyday, that's not a bad thing. I'm glad to hear your kids are helping at least a little bit.
CD
Yes, its been good for me to walk. About time too! I think I ended up in a Covid lockdown lethargy. I'm rather surprised I can even walk as far as I have after all this time. The weather has been lovely and its good to get out and hear the birds singing. It has to be said though, that I'm a 'fair weather walker' and not sure how I'll cope with wind, rain and cold when it comes.
Re the kids, my son in particular has been great. He cleared it with his boss that he could leave work if needed to 'find Dad' and then make the time up later. Its been an odd experience - I phone my son and say 'Dad's gone 'off piste''. I then have to text him locations sent by the tracking device while he legs it across Maidstone and usually out into the countryside in an attempt to catch up with him.
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Sadly the last 7 years have been like that for my hubby with me. It's only since the new hip that I have actually stopped falling so frequently. I can tell you the last time I fell though sadly and it was quite recently but the frequency of my falls has dropped significantly since surgery. Maybe when the other hip is done, I'll stop falling completely?
Today was much better. I cooked shrimp and penne pasta for my parents, their favorite thing that I cook. They cleaned their plates. Then they took naps while I went to the grocery store for them. My mom loves her vanilla ice cream in the evening, but they always buy the cheap stuff. I bought them a quart of Blue Bell ice cream, the Texas Cadillac of ice creams. If you are going to eat a bowl of frozen dairy and sugar, you may as well eat the best frozen dairy and sugar!
Tomorrow afternoon, my sister and I will go over to their apartment. I ordered their lunch to be delivered from the dining room -- roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, peas and cheesecake. The food where the live is top notch. The kitchen there has an Executive Chef, and he's good.
The staff there are nice people, but not totally on top of things. They are afraid of my sister.
I have a different way of dealing with people. As a result, I get more done in one conversation than my sister does in three. I just smile, and politely say this is what needs to be done, and it needs to be done right away. One thing I inherited from my dad is a way to get people to do what needs to be done, without any drama.
CD
Well, maybe it's a bonus that your son gets a break from work to go for a walk to find dad.
My sister's boss is an idiot, but she doesn't get in the way when my sister has to deal with an emergency with my parents. Her boss has elderly parents, too.
The pastor from my parent's church recently retired. He lives about a mile from my parents. He visits them once a month, and gives them holy communion. That is important to them. My sister and I both have his cell phone number, in case of an emergency. He's a super nice guy.
CD
Tomorrow afternoon, my sister and I will go over to their apartment. I ordered their lunch to be delivered from the dining room -- roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, peas and cheesecake. The food where the live is top notch. The kitchen there has an Executive Chef, and he's good.
The staff there are nice people, but not totally on top of things. They are afraid of my sister.
I have a different way of dealing with people. As a result, I get more done in one conversation than my sister does in three. I just smile, and politely say this is what needs to be done, and it needs to be done right away. One thing I inherited from my dad is a way to get people to do what needs to be done, without any drama.CD
Well, maybe it's a bonus that your son gets a break from work to go for a walk to find dad.
My sister's boss is an idiot, but she doesn't get in the way when my sister has to deal with an emergency with my parents. Her boss has elderly parents, too.
The pastor from my parent's church recently retired. He lives about a mile from my parents. He visits them once a month, and gives them holy communion. That is important to them. My sister and I both have his cell phone number, in case of an emergency. He's a super nice guy.
CD
rascal
Forum GOD!
It's only going to get worse unfortunately.
Thoughts are with you.
Russ
rascal
Forum GOD!
My mum died in 98, I missed all the stuff you guys are going through.
1 of our closest friends died of dementia 3 or 4 years ago. It was horrible, in the end I couldn't even visit her.
To care for someone else you need to : first, look after yourself !!
caseydog you and your sister are good " kids"
Russ
1 of our closest friends died of dementia 3 or 4 years ago. It was horrible, in the end I couldn't even visit her.
To care for someone else you need to : first, look after yourself !!
caseydog you and your sister are good " kids"
Russ
My mum died in 98, I missed all the stuff you guys are going through.
1 of our closest friends died of dementia 3 or 4 years ago. It was horrible, in the end I couldn't even visit her.
To care for someone else you need to : first, look after yourself !!
caseydog you and your sister are good " kids"
Russ
Thanks! We do our best. We are lucky that they have money. My sister and I have control of their money, so they don't get ripped off. We make sure they have all they need and want, although they don't want much anymore. They live in a very nice place, eat good food, and have all they need. My sister visits them at least twice a week, since she lives near them, and I fly down once a month to visit and deal with issues that come up.
My sister has the bigger burden, as she is the one who has to deal with emergencies more often, and do their weekly shopping. My burden is more financial, as it costs me about a thousand bucks to fly down there and rent a car for a week. But, she basically has two jobs, her hospital job, and taking care of my parents.
CD
rascal
Forum GOD!
You're lucky to have them so long. Mum and nana both died smoking related disease. So much waste but it was normal to them.
My family are all smoke free.
Russ
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I did, but I wasn't home at 4:20 on 4/20, unfortunately. That would have been better, but I was working. The two don't mix well.
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