What made you smile recently?

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My line manager released an updated roster for attendance at work during our current lockdown.

Could be a case of never a truer word typed? It's already been changed. Twice!

  • Weekdays - 11:15 to 20:00 (local) so shift starts at 10:45 (local)
  • Saturday – 12:30 to 19:30 (local) so shit starts at 12:00 (local)
  • Sunday – 15:30 to 18:30 (local) so shift starts at 15:00 (local)
 
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Dive Bar Casanova said:
People forget how cold and how hot it gets here:
Click to expand...

On Feb. 10, 1981, the low temperature in Dalhart, Texas was -3 degrees F. On the same day, the high temperature in Brownsville, Texas was 90 degrees F — a difference of 93 degrees between the two cities.

I did not intend for this post to be in bold type. My menu options in this forum change by the hour. If I get lucky later, I'll fix this post -- or maybe the forum software will turn the text pink. Anything is possible, lately. I would put an emoticon here, but those have disappeared, for now. They come and go at random.

CD

[Mod.Edit: fixed. It contained BB code which I stripped out (MG)]
 
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The first mate asks the ship captain why he always wears a red shirt to fight off pirates.The captain replies, "It keeps the men brave. If I get wounded, you won't see the blood, and you'll keep on fighting."The next day, a fleet of pirate ships appear on the horizon. The first mate says, "Get me my brown pants!"
 
A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston."
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
“Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
“Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
“Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
“Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba".
 
True story mr8 here today, been sick and in hospital, was tested for diabetes wtf??? Daughter left him with me today and strict instructions no sweets or treats I have in the pantry. She had been gone 20 mins when he says to me, maybe we could go for a drive today, maybe see if we could find those sugar free sweets??
He's clever, but not clever enough,lol.

Russ
 
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