What would be your reaction to this - kitchen interference

vernplum

vernplum

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Found on Reddit:


AITA for banning my SIL from my house over tomato sauce?
I(28F) have an older brother(32M), he is married to SIL(33F). I get along with her well, except for this one point: if you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen, and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it.
This saturday, I received 40lbs of tomatoes, it took me the whole weekend to turn it into a sauce that I was planning to can. I can it plain, then add whatever seasonings and herbs it needs, depending on the recipe.
They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids, and in the 5 minutes it took me to get it, she managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder and italian herbs to all 5 of the pots that were simmering on the stove.
And when I told asked her what she was doing, she had the audacity to say "this sauce needed some taste, I added it for you". Like I've never told her to not touch what I was cooking before.
I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother, told him to take the clothes and his wife, and that she is no longer welcome in my house.
She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined, because otherwise it would be thrown away, and that I expected 40lbs of replacement tomatoes.
They left, he came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake (my fav). But I told him that I stand by my decision.
Now my parents got involved, since I am the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternate plans for Memorial day.
My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. So AITA?
Edit: since there seems to be some confusion, I am not planning to host for memorial day and bot invite her, I said I am not hosting, my parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angey, but I don't want her excluded.
 
I’ll comment in a bit, but FYI for those may not be familiar - AITA = Am I the A**hole (a popular Reddit channel).
 
My short answer is that the poster had every right to be angry and to ban her SIL, but I think that the SIL has genuinely tried to make amends and has apologized, so it’s time to accept the apology, with the understanding that they’re all good to get back together again and socialize, but if SIL so much as looks in the general direction of the kitchen, she’s out.

She said the original sauce was “ruined,” so I’m going to take that as not only were the additions unwelcome, but the sauce itself tasted bad - if that’s the case, then yeah, I’d tell her to take the sauce she ruined or dump it.

However, if it’s just that she didn’t want all the sauce to taste the same, but that it tasted fine for what it was, I’d have kept half for my time and labor and given the SIL the other half.
 
I would let her stew awhile (see what I did there). Accept her apology, but don't allow her in your house, or at least kitchen for awhile. Make the rules clear, don't tough anything I'm cooking with our my permission.

BTW, my dad loved to tinker with things, including my cooking in their kitchen. He mostly adjusted the stove temperatures higher. I told mim to STOP doing that. I would also make sure my sister was in the kitchen if my dad was in there (which is usually was, hovering), so if I left the room, she could watch him.

His father hovered while my grandmother cooked. She'd slap his hand with a wooden spoon. :laugh:

CD
 
I'm on the fence. SIL had been told previously to leave cooking food alone, yet continues to meddle. So, even after being banned, there is a good possibility she would meddle again. I wonder if she meddles in other relatives homes? Or just the OP's?

Since we don't know the back story of how many times SIL has meddled with food and/or to the degree, I'd have to go with the OP's decision since it IS her home. Maybe give SIL another chance after a few months, with TR's caveat of not even looking in the direction of the kitchen or she is forever banned, since from what was written SIL needs to learn there are consequences to ignoring directives of the in-house cook.

That was a lot of work that was ruined for the intended purpose.

I've processed 40 pounds, probably more, when we grew tomatoes, but not all at one time since I did them as they ripened, so the work was spread out. We've bought the same amount of tomatoes from the restaurant supply place before to make our oven dried tomatoes and sauce. I told Craig never again. Honestly, I'd have been LIVID if someone came in and messed with my tomatoes, even more if they'd done the same before with food and had been told not to do it again.
 
vernplum said:
Found on Reddit:


AITA for banning my SIL from my house over tomato sauce?
I(28F) have an older brother(32M), he is married to SIL(33F). I get along with her well, except for this one point: if you don't keep an eye on her, she will get into the kitchen, and add seasonings to whatever is cooking. She thinks she is fixing stuff, but not all foods need turmeric in it.
This saturday, I received 40lbs of tomatoes, it took me the whole weekend to turn it into a sauce that I was planning to can. I can it plain, then add whatever seasonings and herbs it needs, depending on the recipe.
They came to take a bag of spare clothes for one of their kids, and in the 5 minutes it took me to get it, she managed to get into the kitchen, add salt, pepper, turmeric, olive oil, garlic powder and italian herbs to all 5 of the pots that were simmering on the stove.
And when I told asked her what she was doing, she had the audacity to say "this sauce needed some taste, I added it for you". Like I've never told her to not touch what I was cooking before.
I was so angry that I knew I couldn't be calm talking with her. So I simply walked to my brother, told him to take the clothes and his wife, and that she is no longer welcome in my house.
She had followed me, was shocked, started apologizing, but I just ignored her. I added that he should come by tomorrow to take the sauce his wife ruined, because otherwise it would be thrown away, and that I expected 40lbs of replacement tomatoes.
They left, he came back with the tomatoes, an apology letter from her, and an apology carrot cake (my fav). But I told him that I stand by my decision.
Now my parents got involved, since I am the one that usually hosts, and since she is not allowed in my house, I told them to make alternate plans for Memorial day.
My husband says that I am in the right, but my parents say that my reaction is way overblown. So AITA?
Edit: since there seems to be some confusion, I am not planning to host for memorial day and bot invite her, I said I am not hosting, my parents or my brother should host, and I will attend as a guest. I might be angey, but I don't want her excluded.
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TLDR - it’s very annoying. My MIL is not a nice person.

I'm annoyed just by reading this!

It's smacks of domination behaviour and it's extremely arrogant to mess with what someone else is cooking.
I think they were absolutely right to put their foot down firmly but I would draw the line at a complete ban.
I'd ban them from the kitchen making them understand their interference is unacceptable, they are not to set one foot there, if they did there would be consequences.

I wouldn't be able to eat the tomato sauce, every turmeric laden mouthful would just remind me of the annoyance all over again!
It sounds like a lot more has happened to lead up to this point.

I agree with CD I would leave them to stew 😆 and if they add the same ingredients every time regardless they really can't cook.

I had awful kitchen experiences staying in a rental property with my MIL where she quickly made it apparent she was chief in charge, her desire to let me know I was the absolute bottom of pile was not fun.
Even something simple like stacking the dishwasher (which I have done a million times and am pretty good at jigsawing all the things together so it's packed but will still all come out clean) she would stand over me saying I couldn't put things where I was putting them and to move it. I tried hard to just do what she said so she would know I respected her seniority but it wasn't enough and became ludicrous.

Mr SSOAP didn't feel well one morning so didn't come down for breakfast, once breakfast was over and tidied away (it was just cereal and toast) I started to make him some fried eggs on toast. She hovered telling me which slice of bread to use and told me to put back the eggs I had chosen and to choose different eggs! I had a 5 and 6 year old and was used to running my own ship pretty efficiently so really didn't appreciate this not very bright woman playing domination games with me like a dumb animal.

I said no these are the eggs I want to use, she started to argue with me so I explained these eggs were the right size for the bread, as she continued to hover angry with me for disobeying her I got on with the eggs.

I couldn't believe it - both of the eggs rather than splurging out in the usual semi circular pan shape helpfully formed a two rectangular shapes exactly the same size as the pieces of bread, she was super disappointed it looked so perfect and I had the joy of quietly smiling to myself 😂

She asked before we left as they were driving and we were flying if I wanted her to take anything up for the kitchen, I said yes please just this kitchen knife. She mocked me and said they would have knives there and handed it back. I said I'd rather have the knife I'm familiar with and the knives in rental properties are terrible and slipped it back into the box.

When we arrived more mocking ensued about me being ridiculous as there were absolutely tons of knives there, I replied I hadn't said there wouldn't be knives just that they were always blunt in rental properties. Guess whose knife was permanently in her hands for the duration?! 😆

Mr SSOAP and I visited every distillery in Scotland to stay out of her way and I experienced what alcoholics do by sneaking out to the pantry for the odd glug of whisky to anaesthetise myself for the duration! 😆
Never again!
 
Last edited:
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
Mr SSOAP and I visited every distillery in Scotland to stay out of her way and I experienced what alcoholics do by sneaking out to the pantry for the odd glug of whisky to anaesthetise myself for the duration! 😆
Never again!
Click to expand...

For years when I went to visit my family, I kept a 750ML bottle of vodka in my bedroom. There was a bar with an ice maker up there, so I could retreat to my bedroom for my "anxiety medicine" as needed.

CD
 
SandwichShortOfAPicnic said:
Even something simple like stacking the dishwasher (which I have done a million times and am pretty good at jigsawing all the things together so it's packed but will still all come out clean) she would stand over me saying I couldn't put things where I was putting them and to move it.
Click to expand...
MrsT has some of that in her. No matter what I’m doing, she always makes one correction, no matter how small, just to say, “Now it’s right.”

Loaded dishwasher…she’ll move one item. Putting up a picture…I’ll level it with a level, and she’ll be right behind me to adjust it another millimeter. Straightening up something on an end table…she’ll come along and move it a half inch.

:laugh:
 
TastyReuben said:
MrsT has some of that in her. No matter what I’m doing, she always makes one correction, no matter how small, just to say, “Now it’s right.”

Loaded dishwasher…she’ll move one item. Putting up a picture…I’ll level it with a level, and she’ll be right behind me to adjust it another millimeter. Straightening up something on an end table…she’ll come along and move it a half inch.

:laugh:
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Sounds like more TastyTalking to me! :laugh:
 
I'm lost. Not only do I know nothing about Reddit other than that I have grand niece who works there but I have no idea what a SIL is. I'm pretty good with computers but out to lunch about social media.
 
TastyReuben said:
MrsT has some of that in her. No matter what I’m doing, she always makes one correction, no matter how small, just to say, “Now it’s right.”

Loaded dishwasher…she’ll move one item. Putting up a picture…I’ll level it with a level, and she’ll be right behind me to adjust it another millimeter. Straightening up something on an end table…she’ll come along and move it a half inch.

:laugh:
Click to expand...

I worked with a guy who was major anal retentive about things on his desk. We would go in his office when he wasn't there and move things by an inch or two. Just one thing at a time. It drove him nuts.

Sorry, off topic. No need to bring out the mod copter. I'll behave.

CD
 
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