Caregivers’ chat

Morning Glory said:
Oh yes. Steve loves his food which is lucky for me because he will eat anything I care to cook. What's the opposite of a picky eater? He also enjoys his beer and walking, walking, walking. Those are the three things he enjoys: food, beer, walking. I have to ration the beer. With food he would probably eat five times what I give him. I think once he has eaten it he forgets he has eaten. I now walk with him as he kept getting lost when he went out alone. The walking is good for me and I can cook what I like and it gets eaten so I'm not complaining. I'm bored more than anything, as each day is a set routine.
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No booze for my dad anymore. And, he can't walk, but he gets around in his wheel chair just fine. He's a lot older than Steve. But yes, my dad will eat pretty much anything you put in front of him, and enjoy every bite. He's lucky to live where he does, because they have really good food there. Steve is lucky to live where he does, as I'm sure he eats excellent food, too. :okay:

The weather here is fantastic today. I may take him outside for some fresh air, if I have enough time, and he wants to do that.

CD
 
caseydog said:
Steve is lucky to live where he does, as I'm sure he eats excellent food, too. :okay:
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I often say to him 'you realise nobody else in Kent will be eating anything like this today!'

caseydog said:
The weather here is fantastic today. I may take him outside for some fresh air, if I have enough time, and he wants to do that.
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Its important to get out. Even if he isn't walking I'm sure the change of scene will be good. I think that's why Steve likes walking. That and the smells.... he's big on 'smells'. Its as if that bit of his brain has been enhanced.
 
Morning Glory said:
I often say to him 'you realise nobody else in Kent will be eating anything like this today!'



Its important to get out. Even if he isn't walking I'm sure the change of scene will be good. I think that's why Steve likes walking. That and the smells.... he's big on 'smells'. Its as if that bit of his brain has been enhanced.
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I'm taking my mom over to sit with him while I move some more stuff into his new apartment -- they don't call it a room there. Going outside may have to wait until tomorrow. But, I can see how the smells of fresh air outside would appeal to people with dementia, just as the taste of food does.

This has been a coping experience for me. My dad and I were not close, but he was my hero. He ran a Fortune 500 company, and now he can't use a phone. It is hard for me to deal with that, but that is life. All I can do is all I can do.

CD
 
Well she´s stable, according to the nurses. She had two stents put in and yes, it was a result of a heart attack. The matron assured me there´s no such thing as a double heart attack, because a heart attack is a blocked artery. Anyway, both arms are absolutely black and blue, as a result of (a) inserting the stent through the artery in the arm (b) inserting the canula for intravenous fluids/meds in the other arm and (c) paper thin skin. She was a bit incoherent (I´d imagine because of morphine) and was slurring her speech a bit, as well as telling us some wierd tales about car crashes, everyone in the family ignoring her, birds on the window ledge and snow outside!! She´ll be there for a week, I guess.
 
karadekoolaid said:
Well she´s stable, according to the nurses. She had two stents put in and yes, it was a result of a heart attack. The matron assured me there´s no such thing as a double heart attack, because a heart attack is a blocked artery. Anyway, both arms are absolutely black and blue, as a result of (a) inserting the stent through the artery in the arm (b) inserting the canula for intravenous fluids/meds in the other arm and (c) paper thin skin. She was a bit incoherent (I´d imagine because of morphine) and was slurring her speech a bit, as well as telling us some wierd tales about car crashes, everyone in the family ignoring her, birds on the window ledge and snow outside!! She´ll be there for a week, I guess.
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One of my customers invented the stent used in your mother. Needless to say, he has an amazing collection of cars... and a vineyard/winery in NAPA valley. This guy owns a Lemans winning Porsche 917 that is famous. The Porsche museum, owned by Porsche, has a replica of that car. I can only imagine how much money they have offered him for that car.

CD
 
Well, I got my mom a dog walker booked for two walks a week, up through Thanksgiving, starting next week. I’ll go over for the first couple, just to make sure everybody is on the same page and to get the dog introduced and all that.

Mom was giving me the 20 questions, and most of her questions had an agenda behind them, which is typical (and kind of funny once you know her personality).

She wasn’t too happy about it until I told her we’d be coming over for the first couple, and that I’d even make her breakfast since we were coming so “early” (11AM), so that perked her up a bit.
 
TastyReuben said:
Well, I got my mom a dog walker booked for two walks a week, up through Thanksgiving, starting next week. I’ll go over for the first couple, just to make sure everybody is on the same page and to get the dog introduced and all that.

Mom was giving me the 20 questions, and most of her questions had an agenda behind them, which is typical (and kind of funny once you know her personality).

She wasn’t too happy about it until I told her we’d be coming over for the first couple, and that I’d even make her breakfast since we were coming so “early” (11AM), so that perked her up a bit.
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It is so weird that, as I think I have mentioned before, that my mom and I were like oil and water when I was younger, but now she seems to think I'm the best son a person can have. And, I actually like sitting and talking to her, although I make her turn off the TV, which is always on FOXnews (AKA: FauxNews).

I think it is because I am a lot like my dad as I am getting older. If she needs something done, it will take my sister weeks to get it done, if at all. If my mom tells me what she needs done, and it gets done NOW! I have inherited my dad's "hairy eyeball." When my sister was a teenager, her dates were afraid of my dad, even though he never said anything to make them afraid. He had the "hairy eyeball." That may just be an American saying. He and I also have very Italian mafia kind of names, which may help. :laugh:

My sister can get tough with people when she needs to, but she doesn't have the "hairy eyeball." It is a gift I got from my dad. But, I am not as good at it as my dad once was. He could be as polite as possible, and people were still afraid of him. :laugh: He was never a big man. I am taller and heavier than he ever was, and he has always been a really nice person. He just had this look that made people think, this guy could have me whacked. I call it the "Hairy Eyeball.

Anyway, that is one of the fond, and funny memories of my dad that will be with me even after he is gone.

CD
 
medtran49 said:
he won't do any exercises that I had immediately told him he needed to (same as previous stroke exercises) and that his general doc told him he needed to do about a month later. I don't know why he won't. He got mad and defensive every time I brought it up,
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It’s amazing how differently people respond to things like that. MrsT - overachiever when it came to her OT and PT, she had this idea that the harder she worked, the faster she’d be healed, so the therapist would tell her to do 10 reps of this or 15 minutes of that, and she’d try and double it, which would cause its own problems.

Dad, on the other hand, he wouldn’t do a damn thing a doc told him to do after any of his surgeries, and he paid for it. I remember after his heart surgery, he was told he had to walk a certain amount, or else he’d get fluid on his lungs and a possible infection.

Day 1 - he reluctantly went to an indoor walking track 15 minutes from the house. Great, he’s following doc’s orders!

Day 2 - wouldn’t go, said he’d get enough exercise walking around the property doing chores. Ok…

Day 3 - wouldn’t go outside, said he’d be just fine walking from one end the of the hallway to the other a few times.

Day 4 and beyond - plopped in his easy chair the entire day, developed fluid and an infection. You’d have thought the first time that happened, he’d have listened and fine back to exercising - nope.

I hope the doc there can prescribe Craig some formal PT, like you mentioned. Also, don’t dismiss stroke survivors’ support groups. Craig strikes me as someone who might not want to go to that (MrsT is the same way, “No way, no how!”), but it might be something just to be aware of. The hospital usually has info on that.

I wanted MrsT to go specifically to deal with her frustration and temper/patience, and to get her to accept that, “Yeah, you had a stroke! Things are different now!”
 
caseydog said:
It is so weird that, as I think I have mentioned before, that my mom and I were like oil and water when I was younger, but now she seems to think I'm the best son a person can have.
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Mom’s personality is just so…eccentric is the best word I can come up with. She thinks the absolute world of her kids (“Well, you boys, anyway.”), and if I were to set fire to an orphanage tomorrow, she’d hide me out from the law without a second thought.

Where she’s done damage with us is, to our faces, she’ll say the nicest things about our choices/wives/kids (except me, I don’t have any)…and then trash them to the other ones.

She’ll tell me how fat and ugly and b!tchy my brother’s wife is, and how stupid (that’s being generous) and lazy another brother’s kid is, and then tell me, “Oh but MrsT is so purdy…she’s got such beautiful long hair, and she’s so sweet and happy all the time, I just love her,” but then she’ll tell my brothers the same about their wives, and that MrsT is “big as cow and looks like she could be his grannie with that stringy grey hair o’ hers.”

We all look after her, but we all know what she’s like, but we all handle it differently. The older siblings accept it and say, “That’s just how she is, but she’s my mom” and swallow that resentment, and the younger ones (mainly my sister and I) will confront her about it some of time.

I have a decent relationship with her, because from my mom’s warped perspective, any shortfall that any of her sons have can somehow be traced back to and blamed on our wives/kids, but my sister (who’s a handful and then some herself)…they can barely be in the same room with each other for more than 15 minutes.

My mom has intense feelings of jealousy about women in general, even her own daughter, always has, and she’s always found it difficult to get along with any other women. Didn’t get along with her MIL, doesn’t speak to her sister, has nothing good to say about her DILs or her daughter, doesn’t/didn’t get along with her SILs, but she has never been able to see she’s a good part of the problem.
 
I don't want to sound rude, as you shared a very private experience. I've seen more than once people acting like your mom, and I've acted myself like this quite some time, it's not uncommon in today's society.

You're giving care to her on your own free will and you will always be acknowledged for that, as you could stop at any time, what's also not uncommon in today's society. Maybe a therapist could make her realize that what she's experiencing every day, are the fruits of her behavior, but what if she likes her current lifestyle so much, that she doesn't want to change anything?

My mom has some problems on taking care of herself, as she's a women who would like to have the benefits of a healthy body, but she doesn't want to do what it takes to be healthy.
 
Trying day with my mom today. I made the mistake of going over to walk her dog today and do some other things around her house, generally keep an eye on her, and mainly just sit there and work, since I can work remotely.

First, the usual 90-minute drive took three hours, because I kept getting work calls on the drive over, and I had to pull over and work 10 minutes here, 15 minutes there, 40 minutes another time, just plopped in the car in some random parking lot along the way.

Once I got there, I got the same conversation on an endless loop:

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?"
"No, Mom, thanks. I had plenty of coffee this morning."
<15 second pause>
"Let me fix you a sandwich."
"No, that's ok, I'm stopping over Rachael's on the way back, she said she'd make me some lunch."
<15 second pause>
"I think it's awful the way they work you. When can you retire?"
"Four more years, Mom."
"When is Lee coming down?"
"He's driving down tomorrow, Mom, and then he'll take you and Dad out all day Thursday."
<glorious 30 second pause>
"Well then, why don't I fix you a cup of coffee?"
Repeat, repeat, repeat

In between that was the occasional question asking if I'd gotten a new car (while looking at the car she's seen 100 times, has ridden in more than once, and was even with me when I picked it up from the dealer), asking me how my dog is doing (the dog that died nearly two years ago), complaining about the house she's in now followed immediately by how nice of a house it is and how much she likes it ( 🤷 ), and a handful of other things. Mainly, though, it was that exchange about the coffee, sandwich, retirement, and Lee, over and over and over again.
 
TastyReuben said:
Once I got there, I got the same conversation on an endless loop:

"Can I get you a cup of coffee?"
"No, Mom, thanks. I had plenty of coffee this morning."
<15 second pause>
"Let me fix you a sandwich."
"No, that's ok, I'm stopping over Rachael's on the way back, she said she'd make me some lunch."
<15 second pause>
"I think it's awful the way they work you. When can you retire?"
"Four more years, Mom."
"When is Lee coming down?"
"He's driving down tomorrow, Mom, and then he'll take you and Dad out all day Thursday."
<glorious 30 second pause>
"Well then, why don't I fix you a cup of coffee?"
Repeat, repeat, repeat
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My mom has that short term memory issue, too. But, she is aware of it. She will often hear some frustration in our voices, and say, "I asked you that already, didn't I?" We will say, "Yes," and she will say, "This is horrible, not remembering things."

CD
 
Craig is back in the hospital again. He started complaing of pain in his left abdominal area, flank Monday night, but thought it was tummy upset. Pain kept getting worse so Tuesday morning I dropped him off at the ER while I drove to Miami on a business related errand. Turns out he has 3 kidney stones, a 3 mm stone in his bladder, an 11 mm stone still in his kidney, and an obstructing 8 mm stone in the lower third of his left ureter, that's the tube that goes from the kidneys to the bladder for those that don't know. I went and sat in the ER with him after I went to Miami and made the delivery, but left about 6 p.m. last night because I had to pick up a couple of things at grocery that I had forgotten to put on the list, and then had to do a couple of things at the house because we are going to get hit with some pretty nasty weather from this late season hurricane. Yes, it has reached hurricane status, category 1 only thank goodness, but still is putting out some bad weather conditions. The grocery was slammed with people panic buying because of the hurricane, so it took me almost an hour to pick up toilet paper, our usual 12 pack of San Pellegrino water, and some deli fried chicken for my dinner last night.

Craig has had kidney stones several times previously, but it has been at least 6 to 7 years since the last one. The urologist still hasn't been in to see him but, at the size they are, he is probably going to need a laser procedure to break up the 2 big stones, and a stent in his ureter to make sure he passes the remainder of the fragments they aren't able to grab easily. He's going to be a bear when he comes home because the stent itself causes pain. They will give him narcotics for the pain, but he still complained about pain last time even with the fairly high doses they gave him.

I came home after he ate his lunch today because the weather is supposed to start deteriorating fairly quickly now until midday tomorrow.
 
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