What made you smile recently?
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lastmanstanding
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You don't need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
flyinglentris
Disabled and Retired Veteran
mjd
Veteran
lastmanstanding
Well-Known Member
The new recruits went for their first lesson about sky diving. "You wait until the helicopter goes down to 15,000 feet in order to jump" the instructor says. "Do you understand?"
One recruit timidly raises his hand and asks "can you lower it at least to 5000 feet sir?"
"No, because the parachute needs at least 15,000 feet to open safely."
"Oh we get a parachute?" Then OK sir.
One recruit timidly raises his hand and asks "can you lower it at least to 5000 feet sir?"
"No, because the parachute needs at least 15,000 feet to open safely."
"Oh we get a parachute?" Then OK sir.
The Velvet Curtain
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Why don't they let blind people parachute?
Because it scares the dog.
How does a blind parachutist know they are about to land?
The lead goes slack.
Because it scares the dog.
How does a blind parachutist know they are about to land?
The lead goes slack.
flyinglentris
Disabled and Retired Veteran
And then, there was the parachutist, who knowing it was called a rip cord, did exactly that before jumping, ripping it out and tossing it. Needless to say, this person never had another opportunity to do that.
GadgetGuy
(Formerly Shermie)
The use of Alexa in my apt's bedroom! It can be used for a lot of things!! Those of you who don't have it, should get it!! It's amazing! 
Burt Blank
Legendary Member
Burt Blank
Legendary Member
I just had to post this last one
mjd
Veteran
lastmanstanding
Well-Known Member
On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys, is why you should never end your sentences with a preposition, because you could end up with a dangling participle.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction. The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: '1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life, and you can perform for as long as you want."
The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?"
"Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."
He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men. His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes, and asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"
And that, boys, is why you should never end your sentences with a preposition, because you could end up with a dangling participle.
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